The Only Fragrance Guaranteed to Offend and Dominate in One Spritz
Trump Launches “Forgive Me Not” Perfume Line, Smells Like Confidence and Lawsuit Ink
The Only Fragrance Guaranteed to Offend and Dominate in One Spritz
NEW YORK, NY — In a move that has baffled both fragrance experts and moral philosophers, Donald J. Trump has announced the launch of his latest business venture: a perfume line called Forgive Me Not, inspired by his lifelong aversion to apologies, remorse, or eye contact during conflict.
“This is for winners who smell like they’ve never backed down,” Trump declared at the gold-plated launch party held in a Bed Bath & Beyond parking lot converted into a ballroom. “It’s bold, it’s brash, and it’s got notes of court filing paper, steak seasoning, and golf course testosterone.”
According to Ivanka, the perfume’s top notes include “litigation leather,” “CNN anchor sweat,” and “a trace of Melania’s frozen glare.”
The fragrance comes in a bottle shaped like a wagging finger. A hidden speaker plays a Trump quote every time it sprays: “Apology denied!”
Within 24 hours of launch, CVS reported record returns of every other cologne brand. One woman described the scent as “a hostile takeover in liquid form.”
Each bottle includes a small legal disclaimer: “Wearing this may void your prenup.”
Analysts expect sales to spike around Father’s Day, or during televised indictments.
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
