Simulator Automatically Yells “Fake News!” When Ball Goes in Water
Trump Replaces White House Apology Office With Golf Simulator, Says “Swinging a Club Builds More Character Than Regret”
Simulator Automatically Yells “Fake News!” When Ball Goes in Water
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another bold redesign of presidential priorities, Donald Trump has officially replaced the White House Office of Public Apology with a full-scale golf simulator featuring palm tree backgrounds, scoreboard settings, and an AI caddie named “Sean Hannity.”
“Why apologize when you can perfect your backswing?” Trump asked, teeing off directly into a digital rendering of CNN’s headquarters. “This is therapy–American style.”
The simulator is equipped with auto-commentary that shouts phrases like “That’s leadership!” and “The wind was Deep State!”
Former staffers of the Apology Office have been reassigned to polishing trophies and whispering motivational quotes from *The Art of the Deal* as players line up shots.
Melania walked in once, mistook it for a mirror maze, and quietly backed out.
All foreign dignitaries must now complete one hole before diplomatic talks begin. Vladimir Putin reportedly scored a hole-in-one but was docked points for wearing sleeves.
Every bad shot triggers a recording of Trump declaring, “I Meant To Do That,” followed by Kid Rock playing faintly in the distance.
“Regret,” Trump said, adjusting his golf glove, “is for people who don’t win. This is how America corrects its course–on par four.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
