Labeled “Fuel for the Blame Game” in Gold Sharpie
Trump’s Apology Jar Found Empty, Replaced With Nacho Cheese Dispenser
Labeled “Fuel for the Blame Game” in Gold Sharpie
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A routine maintenance check in the West Wing uncovered a curious swap: the traditional “Apology Jar,” historically used by staffers to deposit regrets and symbolic contrition, has been replaced with a heated nacho cheese dispenser prominently labeled “Fuel for the Blame Game.”
“We haven’t seen a dollar in that jar since 2017,” said White House janitor Carl “Mop Boss” Jenkins. “Now it’s just cheese… thick, unapologetic cheese.”
The jar was originally introduced during the Reagan era to encourage humility among aides. But under Trump, the only contributions have been expired coupons and a drawing of Mitt Romney in a dunce cap.
Sources say Trump personally authorized the change, stating: “People like cheese more than guilt. That’s science.”
The dispenser sits on a pedestal carved from tweets once used to insult Greta Thunberg, and plays Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” when activated.
Staffers now dip Doritos into the jar whenever they’re blamed for something — which is often. “It’s actually soothing,” said one intern, “until you realize this is how policy gets written.”
Asked if he’d ever apologize for the substitution, Trump responded, “I’m lactose-defiant, not lactose-intolerant.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
