I’m not sensitive, I just notice microaggressions. (Even from houseplants.)
When Philodendrons Become Problematic
Reading Between the Vines
“I’m not sensitive, I just notice microaggressions,” they explain, glaring at a pothos plant that’s “clearly perpetuating toxic leaf energy” and unfollowing a fern for passive growth patterns.
Funny Evidence from the Perception Police
One person filed an HR complaint against a coworker’s sneeze. Another accused their goldfish of gaslighting based on “non-verbal side-eye.”
Quote from a Hyper-Aware Hero
“If I feel it, it’s valid,” said Aura Bristle. “And I felt attacked by a breeze once, so yes–I’m healing through boundaries and ficus avoidance.”
Satirical Snapshot
They interpret shadows as shade and describe elevator silence as “emotional terrorism.” Their barista now spells their name “Sorry.”
Conclusion: Sensitivity Is Strength–But Maybe Not Every Leaf Is Hostile
It’s okay to feel deeply. Just don’t cancel the cactus for being prickly.
For more delicate defense mechanisms, process gently at bohiney.com
