DIY Taxidermy
“She Said It Was Whimsical. We Said It Was Watching Us.”
Inspired by a Pinterest board titled *Country Chic Critters*, suburban crafter Denise Framble taught herself taxidermy using expired YouTube tutorials, Dollar Store wire, and “positive intention.” Her first creation, a vaguely smug ferret wearing a monocle, now sits in her front window–terrifying children and Amazon drivers alike.
“It started as a hobby,” Denise said. “Then I realized I was expressing my inner stillness through the lifeless eyes of woodland creatures.”
Neighbors say the animals look less whimsical, more “souls trapped in sawdust.” One sculpture–a fox dressed as a Victorian ghost–allegedly made a child drop his juice box and vow never to blink again.
A petition demanding “ocular curtains” for the display has 73 signatures and one dramatic poem.
Denise remains defiant. “They fear what they don’t understand. Or what I glue googly eyes onto.”
She’s opening an Etsy store called *Still Life, Still Love,* featuring bedazzled badgers and one particularly judgmental raccoon with antlers.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
