Allergic Reactions to Romance
“My Heart Skipped a Beat. So Did My Immune System.”
Florist and habitual singleton Molly Reyes was enjoying a quiet evening of Netflix and avoidance when she received an unexpectedly tender text from a coworker: “I think you’re amazing. Just saying.” Moments later, her arms bloomed with hives, her breathing tightened, and her dog gave her a look of profound judgment.
“It was like my body said, ‘Not today, Cupid,'” Molly recalled, applying calamine lotion while rage-scrolling through her DMs.
An allergist confirmed she wasn’t reacting to peanuts or pollen but “an overwhelming exposure to sincerity.” The rare condition, called *Affection-Induced Urticaria*, is believed to be caused by a combination of trust issues and seasonal horoscopes.
“Every time I get emotionally vulnerable, my skin turns into a warning label,” Molly said.
Dating apps are now a minefield. She tried ghosting a guy by responding with a GIF of a raccoon vanishing, only for him to say, “That’s adorable.” The hives returned instantly.
She’s launched a new lifestyle blog called *Love Me From Afar,* featuring breakup-themed skincare and emotional armor guides for the romantically rash-prone.
Her allergist has prescribed antihistamines and a daily journaling ritual under the supervision of a platonic friend.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
