Customer Service Nightmares
“I’ve Been Transferred So Many Times I’m Now Fluent in Muzak”
After calling her internet provider to report a minor billing error, Marla Jensen was routed through 17 different departments, accidentally enrolled in a goat cheese subscription, and eventually connected to herself via a feedback loop. “At one point I had to confirm my own identity to… myself,” she said, now speaking exclusively in captcha questions.
The final agent, a man identified only as “Kyle from Tier 8 Support,” was last seen staring blankly at a blinking cursor. “He’s been on hold since 2021,” said a coworker. “We feed him through the USB port.”
Experts call this a symptom of “Corporate Ouroboros,” where the call system consumes itself in a cycle of inefficiency so dense it bends time. The FCC has issued a statement saying, “Please hang up and try crying instead.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.