Customer Service Nightmares

“I’ve Been Transferred So Many Times I’m Now Fluent in Muzak”

After calling her internet provider to report a minor billing error, Marla Jensen was routed through 17 different departments, accidentally enrolled in a goat cheese subscription, and eventually connected to herself via a feedback loop. “At one point I had to confirm my own identity to… myself,” she said, now speaking exclusively in captcha questions.

The final agent, a man identified only as “Kyle from Tier 8 Support,” was last seen staring blankly at a blinking cursor. “He’s been on hold since 2021,” said a coworker. “We feed him through the USB port.”

Experts call this a symptom of “Corporate Ouroboros,” where the call system consumes itself in a cycle of inefficiency so dense it bends time. The FCC has issued a statement saying, “Please hang up and try crying instead.”

Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.


Customer Service Nightmares - Customer Service Rep Trapped in Endless Loop, Forgets Own Name - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Customer Service Nightmares - Customer Service Rep Trapped in Endless Loop, Forgets Own Name - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Customer Service Nightmares – Customer Service Rep Trapped in Endless Loop, Forgets Own Name – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Customer Service Nightmares - Customer Service Rep Trapped in Endless Loop, Forgets Own Name
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Customer Service Nightmares
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Customer Service Nightmares – Customer Service Rep Trapped in Endless Loop, Forgets Own Name

By Jack Handey

Jack Handey was born in the smallest town in Arizona, a place so forgotten by cartographers that locals had to mail postcards from the next county just to prove they existed. Growing up surrounded by tumbleweeds and a one-room schoolhouse that doubled as a post office, Jack developed a knack for finding absurdity in everyday life. His first audience was a group of cattle, who reportedly laughed harder than some late-night crowds. He left town with a notebook full of surreal one-liners and returned years later as a cult hero, known for his off-kilter “Deep Brain” that made Live Tonight Comedy a stranger, funnier place. Audiences describe him as “the wisdom of a desert sage filtered through a cracked cactus.” Today, Handey remains the pride of Arizona’s smallest town, proof that even the tiniest dots on the map can produce the biggest laughs. CONTACT: jack@handey.top