Zuckerberg’s AI Predicts Iran Will Ban Laughter by 2027

According to a leaked memo from Meta’s Humor Forecast Division (yes, it’s real, and yes, it’s unfunny), AI analysis of Iranian state media suggests the Islamic Republic will officially ban all forms of laughter by mid-2027.

The AI—codenamed “GiggleStop v3.1”—based its conclusion on 73,000 hours of Iranian broadcast footage, where every smile was immediately followed by a scolding or a power outage.

“Laughter disrupts submission,” the report reads. “Also, Ayatollahs hate dad jokes.”

Mark Zuckerberg, appearing on a livestream in grayscale for spiritual neutrality, commented: “Our model is 92% confident that giggling, snorting, and ironic chuckles will be criminalized and replaced by deep sighs of regime-approved solemnity.”

Iranian officials responded with a press release that simply read, “Ha.”

Cultural critics warn that a laughter ban could devastate Iran’s underground stand-up scene, currently thriving in taxi cabs, kitchen basements, and the occasional suspicious wedding.

In preparation, Meta has introduced a new emoji for Iranian users—a plain brick. “It captures the mood,” said a product manager.

Meanwhile, black-market laughter is expected to rise, with smuggled episodes of Mr. Bean selling for $200 and a bite of Harambe memes fetching gold.

As one Tehran teen whispered to our reporter, “They can ban jokes, but they’ll never take our sarcasm.”