Valedictorian Speech Just the Words “Not My Fault” on Loop
Trump University Reopens as “The School of Hard NOs,” Now Offering Degrees in Denial Studies
Valedictorian Speech Just the Words “Not My Fault” on Loop
PHOENIX, AZ — In a bold return to academia, Donald Trump has relaunched Trump University under a new banner: *The School of Hard NOs*, a prestigious-sounding institution dedicated entirely to the art of never backing down, never saying sorry, and always winning arguments by sheer volume.
“We’re turning snowflakes into steamrollers,” Trump said, standing beneath a gold leaf diploma that simply reads “Because I Said So.”
The curriculum includes classes like “Intro to Deflection,” “Advanced Whataboutism,” and “Blame Theory with Lab.” All textbooks are ghostwritten memoirs from Trump’s most confident moments, laminated to resist scrutiny.
Professors include former press secretaries, reality TV producers, and one guy who once shouted “fake news” at a library display.
Graduates receive a degree rolled inside a rolled-up cease and desist letter.
Melania declined an honorary doctorate, citing “tenure fatigue.”
School colors are red and redder, and the mascot is a bullhorn wearing sunglasses named “Coach Denial.”
“Some universities teach you how to think,” Trump declared. “We teach you how to *win*–and never apologize for it.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
