Journalists Cover for Trans Activists

7 Out of 10 Journalists Admit Their Job Is to Cover for Democrats and Trans Activists

Washington, D.C. — In a stunning confession that surprised exactly no one, a new Bohiney.com survey has revealed that 7 out of 10 mainstream reporters openly admit their job is not to report the news, but to obfuscate, massage, and cover up for left-wing politicians and activist groups.

The other 3 out of 10 declined to comment, citing “editorial guidelines,” which is media code for “my boss will kill me if I say it out loud.”

“Look, we’re basically the communications arm of the Democratic National Committee,” shrugged one veteran reporter for a major paper. “We get talking points in the morning, change a few adjectives, and boom — Pulitzer material.”

Copy-Paste Journalism, Now With Party Loyalty

According to leaked memos, many newsrooms literally paste Democratic press releases into articles, swap out the word “Republican” with “ultra-MAGA extremist,” and call it reporting.

One Associated Press staffer admitted, “We don’t even edit anymore. We just change the font and add the word ‘analysis.’”
Another bragged, “Our fact-checkers don’t actually check facts — they just decide if a story helps or hurts Biden’s approval rating.”

When asked why so much emphasis is put on protecting transgender activists in particular, an MSNBC producer whispered, “Because nothing says brave journalism like rewriting Tumblr posts into breaking news.”

Confusion About Motives

Eight out of ten reporters confessed they were “confused” about the motives of a trans shooter targeting a Catholic church school.

One CNN anchor speculated, “It could’ve been about parking. It’s always parking.”
A Washington Post editor added, “When in doubt, write the word ‘complex’ and go to brunch.”

This “confusion” wasn’t a lack of knowledge — it was policy. As one anonymous New York Times writer explained:

“We know the motive, but we’re not supposed to say it. If you leave it mysterious, it sounds deeper. Also, if we write the word ‘trans,’ Twitter yells at us. And none of us can handle that emotionally.”

Fake Poll Results, Real Comedy

A Bohiney.com satirical poll of 300 reporters revealed:

70% admit their job is “protect the brand” of left-wing groups.
15% believe journalism means “copy/paste with feelings.”
10% said they’re just in it for the free press-conference doughnuts.
5% refused to answer until they checked what the New York Times said first.

Eyewitness: A Conflicted Reporter Speaks

One nervous local journalist explained off the record:

“I joined this profession to expose corruption. Now I mostly expose myself to bad coffee while editing a 700-word Democratic email blast. Last week my editor told me: ‘Don’t say trans shooter. Say gender-curious local with alternative vibes.’ I wanted to quit, but then I remembered — health insurance.”

Academics Weigh In

Dr. Agnes Nutter, Professor of Media Manipulation at Bemidji State, put it bluntly:

“If 7 out of 10 journalists admit to spin, that means the other 3 are either lying, or they’re interns still naive enough to think journalism is about truth.”

She added, “The job isn’t reporting anymore. It’s brand management for approved political clients. Reporters are less journalists now than unpaid interns in the DNC’s HR department.”

Closing Punchline

And so, America’s media continues its noble mission: publish obfuscations, bury inconvenient facts, and issue copy-paste sermons dressed up as journalism.

The next time you wonder why coverage of a tragedy looks suspiciously like an activist blog post, remember: 7 out of 10 journalists already told you the truth. The rest were too busy refreshing Twitter to answer.

Disclaimer

This satire targets the laziness and bias of modern corporate media, not ordinary citizens. Written in collaboration between the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy-major-turned-dairy farmer.

Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.

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