Trump's African Safari: A Diplomatic Masterclass or a Gaffe-Filled Safari? Why the Elephants Are Laughing and the Giraffes Are Rolling Their Eyes at Trump's Tour Nairobi, Kenya The former U.S. president’s African tour

Norwegian Nobel Committee Considers Hiring Bouncers for Donald's Visit "We'll Need Someone Who Can Handle a Tantrum in a Tuxedo," Says Oslo Security Chief By Darla Freedom-Pie Magsen | Special to Bohiney.com

Teachers Union Head Quits DNC, Declares Herself “Self-Purged” In what insiders are calling “a resignation with revolutionary flair,” AFT President Randi Weingarten stepped down from her DNC leadership post while softly

Statue of Liberty Spotted Crying, Possibly Due to Rent Control Policy In a stunning visual captured by a Staten Island ferry tourist, the Statue of Liberty appeared to shed a single

Tech Industry Touts AI Capabilities While Carefully Avoiding Discussion of Employment and Societal Impact When We Automate Ourselves Out of Relevance and Call It Innovation Artificial intelligence is advancing rapidly, which is

Free MTA Plan Backfires as Riders Demand Personal Subways After declaring public transportation a human right, Councilman Zohran Mamdani’s free MTA plan quickly devolved into chaos when New Yorkers began demanding

Husbands on the Move: The Rise of the Relocated Man For centuries, women have been expected to abandon their families, their friends, and their mother’s secret lasagna recipe to move in

Mamdani Declares Wi-Fi a Human Right, Immediately Outages Entire Borough In a dramatic policy announcement, Zohran Mamdani declared Wi-Fi a fundamental human right, citing “psychological liberation through TikTok.” Moments later, the

University of Denial: What U.S. Colleges Can Learn from International Protest Management (Spoiler: Probably Not Much) CAMPUS EARTH — Compiled by Bohiney.com, your most trusted source for academic absurdity and tear-gassed

Climate Change Solved by Turning Thermostat Down One Degree: Global Warming Solution Discovered Environmental Crisis Ends With Simple Temperature Control Technology GENEVA, SWITZERLAND — The United Nations Climate Panel announced today that

Marx Rises From Grave, Applies for NYC Mayoral Job Karl Marx has reportedly returned from the dead and immediately filed paperwork to run for mayor of New York City. Witnesses say he

Cuba Sends Economists to NYC, Promptly Stunned by Bagel Prices In a historic exchange program, Cuba sent three economists to study the “capitalist experiment” of New York City. Within hours of

Oscars 2025: The Academy’s Annual Snub-O-Rama Leaves Hollywood in Shambles Observations on the 2025 Oscar Snubs By Ima Fakenews, Senior Entertainment Satirist (certified to be 127% funnier than The Onion) Hollywood’s Biggest Night…

Jennifer Aniston Blamed for the Obama Divorce: America Now Officially in Its ‘Friends’ Era Could Jennifer Aniston Be the True Puppet Master of Political Marriages? By Crystal Clearwater, RealClearDivorce.com Investigator The Ross and

TikTok Revolutionaries Replace NYPD with Interpretive Dancers In a historic overhaul of public safety, NYC Councilman Zohran Mamdani announced the NYPD will be replaced by interpretive dance collectives trained in de-escalation

Gen Z Activists Demand Marxism Be Explained in Under 15 Seconds In a bold TikTok announcement, Gen Z activists called for all Marxist theory to be condensed into a single 15-second

Billy Ray Cyrus' Inauguration Performance Drama: Drunk, Pissed Off, or Just High on MAGA? A Star-Spangled Train Wreck By Lurleen McGossip, Senior Chaos Correspondent At Donald Trump’s Liberty Ball during his second presidential

People’s Bagel Co-op Collapses After Workers Seize the Cream Cheese Founded with high hopes and higher cholesterol, the People’s Bagel Co-op in Brooklyn came crashing down Tuesday after a faction of

AFT Endorses “Red But Make It Beige” as Official Color of Solidarity In an effort to modernize its image while not scaring suburban donors, the American Federation of Teachers (AFT) unveiled

Misokinesia: The Hidden Rage Behind Every Tap, Flick, and Chew The Silent Torture of Small Movements and How It’s Slowly Driving Us Crazy In a world where we often talk about major

From Sci-Fi to Reality: Scientists Discover How To Hack Your Brain and Erase Bad Memories The Brave New World of Neural Manipulation Move over, science fiction—real scientists are making waves in the

Lenin's Bust Installed in Brooklyn—Now Charges Cover Fee A new bronze bust of Vladimir Lenin installed in a Brooklyn art space has become the borough’s most ironic tourist trap—complete with a

Europe Reacts to Vatican Bombshell: Pope Francis Unveils Box of Church's 'Dark Dealings' The Un-Holy Files Exposed Vatican City — In a twist that feels like a Da Vinci Code sequel nobody

Government Shutdown Nears End, Senators Approve Funding—Americans Celebrate by Refreshing Netflix Washington, D.C.—After a suspenseful cliffhanger worthy of a prime-time drama, the Senate approved a funding package to end the government

Griffith Observatory Now Charging $75 to Wish Upon a Star Tourists offered premium wish packages with Wi-Fi-enabled constellations. LOS ANGELES — The Griffith Observatory has introduced a new “Celestial Access Program,” allowing

Millennials Officially Pass the Blame Baton to Gen Z: Everything Wrong with the World Is Now Their Fault! "From avocado shortages to social media woes, Millennials have found the perfect scapegoat." New

Exploring Evolution: Strength Connected to Sexual Behavior of Women as Well as Men Strength, Sex, and the Surprising Evolutionary Advantage Evolutionary science has a way of turning the mundane into the fascinating.

David Hogg’s TikTok Lenin Musical Breaks Algorithms and Hearts David Hogg, activist, Gen Z icon, and now accidental Broadway visionary, released a 60-second TikTok musical titled “Vladimir!”—a glam-rock tribute to Lenin

Nation Declares War on Socks That Disappear in the Laundry; Scientists Baffled By Chloe Summers, Bohiney Magazine The Great Sock Conflict In what historians may call The First Domestic Crisis of 2025, the

Financial Markets Panic as Nation's Leading Source of Daily Entertainment Threatens Restraint Editorial Shift Triggers Economic Uncertainty The Times of India sent shockwaves through financial markets Monday morning after announcing plans to

Gulf of Mexico Rebranded as ‘Gulf of America’ to Make Geography Great Again A Bold Move in Water Ownership: Because America Now Names Everything In a move that historians are calling “bold”

Not All Belly Fat Is Created Equal: A Field Guide to Your Midsection’s Greatest Hits Belly fat: the unwelcome houseguest of your waistline. Like a complicated roommate, it shows up uninvited,

‘Till Dementia Do Us Part’: America’s Quiet Marital Epidemic By Special Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine It was the best of vows, it was the worst of memory retention. New research, released by a