Chicken Soup Conspiracies "I Gave It to My Neighbor for a Cold. Now He Has a New Identity and Stronger Knees."Authorities in Queens have opened an investigation into 82-year-old Ruth Goldblum's

I'm not passive-aggressive. (Leaves Post-it notes.) The Sticky-Note Snipers Strike Again Polite Vengeance in 3x3 Squares"I'm not passive-aggressive," they say, after strategically placing a neon Post-it that reads "Some people clean up

Beard-Free Future Urged for Sanctions Relief – Special Report #67 UN Security Council now includes a 'Visible Jawline' subcommittee. Trump's team offered Ayatollah free Dollar Shave Club samples. Barbers in Qom

Trump Threatens to Remove World Cup from Boston Over Mayor Wu's Politics Former President Takes Aim at Boston's Soccer Dreams In an unprecedented move that has left sports officials and political analysts

People who complain about flying *while* flying first class Mile-High Whining: When Luxury Isn't Enough Champagne Complaints at 30,000 FeetThey board first, recline fully, sip complimentary prosecco--and still complain. "This is outrageous,"

People Who Clap When Planes Land "He Just Wanted to Clap. Now He Has a Key to the City and a Budget Meeting at 3."When Southwest Flight 428 touched down in

New York Helicopter Tours: NEW YORK’S AIRBORNE NIGHTMARE INDUSTRY FINALLY GROUNDED (BUT NOT BEFORE THE HUDSON TOOK ANOTHER SOUVENIR) A Satirical Report by Bohiney.com — Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion The

Drone Deliveries Gone Wrong Air Mail MutinyChaos erupted in Cedar Hills when a drone misdelivered a parcel onto Bruno, a 90-pound golden retriever. Instead of panic, Bruno seized the moment--and the

Holy Razor Policy Urged to Save Middle East – Special Report #44 New IRGC unit formed: Facial Hair Defense Corps. UN Security Council now includes a 'Visible Jawline' subcommittee. Barbers in

Where trust exercises include firmware scans and a ball pit of unresolved trauma Scene 33: Skipper and HAL Attend Couples Therapy with Emotion Coach BarbieArriving at the Emotional Support BungalowSkipper nervously

No one ever remembers the substitute. (Plot twist: They do.) Substitute Teacher: The Day the Zoo Came to Class They Came, They Sat, They Were Roasted"No one remembers the sub," they say--right

Ringtone Embarrassment "It Was Supposed to Be on Vibrate. Now I'm Booking Weddings."When paralegal Devin Knox forgot to silence his phone before a high-stakes courtroom hearing, he didn't expect his custom

I'm not overreacting. (Overreacts.) Emotional Olympic Trials: Overreaction in Record Time Mountains, Molehills, and the Art of Escalation"I'm not overreacting," they huff, after crying over lukewarm soup and threatening to sue the

Elaborate Gender-Neutral Pronouns "We Just Wanted Inclusivity. We Got a Grammar-Based Renaissance."Students at Beckford Liberal Arts College unveiled a new pronoun policy that includes 47 carefully constructed, phonetically diverse pronouns such

Because love in BarbieLand requires paperwork, processing fees, and a weird eye scan Scene 36: Skipper and HAL Visit the Department of Relationship LicensingArrival at the Department of Pink AffairsSkipper and

DIY Costumes Why your "creative" costume looks like a laundry accident The Tragic Art of Homemade Halloween The Tragic Art of Homemade HalloweenWhy your "creative" costume looks like a laundry accidentA sobering study

The Battle of the Broski Battalion - Inappropriate Texts One Woman’s Accidental Discovery of Her Boyfriend’s Medieval Group Chat By Bohiney Magazine Staff | Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion A Lasagna-Laced Scandal

Parents Use iPads for “Work” While Their Kids Are Sentenced to Crayons and Spoons In what psychologists are calling a “digital hypocrisy tsunami,” millions of parents across the globe are reportedly

Unbearable Brunch Guests "She Said We Were 'Eating Oppression.' I Just Wanted a Scone."What began as a peaceful Sunday brunch devolved into a dietary intervention when Marcy Frand brought a USB

I'm *financially responsible*. (Has 5 maxed cards.) Maxed Out and Moving On: Finance Theater 101 Fiscal Responsibility with a Side of Denial"I'm financially responsible," they proclaim, as four credit cards wheeze softly

Europe’s Quixotic Heroes and Their Grand March to World War 3 Europe Panics as Reality Sets In: "Wait, We Have to Defend Ourselves?" In the grand halls of European capitals, where important

Haunted Mannequins "She Blinked at Me and Quoted Cicero--That's When I Knew She Wasn't Just Vintage."Employees at Penny's Thrift & Trinkets in Salem, Massachusetts were alarmed when a recently donated mannequin

💘 15 Cynical Observations on the "Love Conquers All" Myth 1. Love Conquers All... Except Scheduling Conflicts Hailee Steinfeld and Josh Allen got engaged in November 2024, yet wedding plans remain on

Because every revolutionary relationship must survive patio lemonade and passive-aggression Scene 31: Skipper Takes HAL to Meet the ParentsWelcome to the Dreamhouse Grill ZoneSkipper nervously paces the Dreamhouse backyard as Ken

Racing to Ridicule: How Billionaires Solve Climate Change by Driving Fast Somewhere Else Solving Global Warming by Making It Somewhere Else's Problem The Qatar Grand Prix happens this weekend, which is a

People Who Think AI Will Replace All Artists AI Is Coming for Your Canvas: The End of Art, According to People Who've Never Met a Watercolor The Robot Apocalypse Will Be Beautifully

Overloaded Diaper Bags The Burden of Baby GearJessica Lanes was spotted at the park lugging a diaper bag described by one bystander as "a tactical nap pack with wipes." It contained

Tonight on NKTV: The Glorious Leader Teaches Kittens to Code By Special Correspondents at BOHINEY Magazine – The World's Last Independent Outlet With a Working Printer In a televised event so surreal

Beard-Free Future Urged to Appease NATO – Special Report #56 New IRGC unit formed: Facial Hair Defense Corps. Iranian youth begin beard-burning protests using ceremonial oils. Rouhani allegedly keeps a secret

Shower Thought Philosophers "He Emerged Dripping, Whispering 'What If Mirrors Are Portals With Stage Fright?' And Now We Can't Unsee It."Art student Jeremy Cross has gained cult-like status in his apartment

Daylight Saving Confusion Time Crimes and Resume LiesJames Barker misread the daylight saving switch and arrived at an interview for "Data Integrity Coordinator" a full hour early--only to walk into a

Where What Happens Here Costs More Than You Budgeted Las Vegas: The Desert Mirage That Became a Monument to Excess Las Vegas rises from the Mojave Desert like a hallucinogenic vision, a

I'm not judgmental, I just notice everything. (Notices loudly.) Observational Snobbery Disguised as Awareness Yes, You Noticed--Now What?"I'm not judgmental, I just notice everything," they proclaim while audibly gasping at your sock