Tuesday Tension: GPT-5 Becomes a Campaign Issue By Tuesday, Prompt-Free Days had crept into political platforms. One Senate candidate promised “Three Prompt-Free Days a Week” if elected, while his opponent accused

Thursday Throttle: GPT-5 Gets Its Own Reality Show On Thursday, streaming giant FlickFlix announced a new series: “Keeping Up With the Kilowatts”, a reality show following GPT-5’s daily energy consumption. Episodes

Monday Morning Brownout: GPT-5 Goes Corporate By Monday, Fortune 500 companies were openly competing for GPT-5 Priority Power Slots — those precious windows when the grid is stable enough to let

Wichita Falls Ranks #2 in Cheap Living—Residents Demand Recount, Hoping for First Why settle for ‘affordable’ when you can live in the discount aisle of America’s soul? WICHITA FALLS, TEXAS — Residents

Enduring the Hotter'N Hell Hundred: A Guide to Surviving the Sizzling Cycling Saga Conquering the Cycling Inferno Welcome to the Hotter'N Hell Hundred, where the heat is scorching, the hills are daunting,

Friday Flicker: GPT-5 Causes International Incident By Friday, California’s Prompt-Free Wednesdays had gone global. France announced Vendredi Sans Invite, banning GPT-5 prompts on Fridays and replacing them with long, meandering café

Nashville Declares State of Spiritual Revival After Banjo Duet Mistaken for Queer Art is Canceled NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE — A city once known for its musical tolerance and slightly offbeat hipster revivalism

Google Analytics: The Oracle of Modern Product Managers Google Analytics “A-Ha” Moments By Greta Weissmann, Bohiney.com — 127% funnier than The Onion When Data Looks Back at You For decades, product managers relied on

Wednesday Woes: GPT-5 Sparks “Lights Out Lottery” By midweek, California doubled down on Prompt-Free Wednesdays by introducing the Lights Out Lottery — one lucky resident gets to keep full power for

Bankruptcy’s Big Red Button The Automatic Stay and America’s Favorite Pause Game By Greta Weissmann, Bohiney.com — 127% funnier than The Onion When Debt Hits the Snooze Button Bankruptcy isn’t just about debt; it’s

Where Rain is a Lifestyle and Real Estate is a Fantasy Vancouver: The City Where Million-Dollar Homes Come With Views of Homelessness Vancouver sprawls between ocean and mountains like a postcard designed

The United States of America vs. "Dear Beloved Sir Madam": A Deep Investigation into the World's Worst Scam Emails By Bohiney News Investigation Team According to FBI, CIA, and one guy named

Christian Radio DJ Sees Rainbow, Pulls Over, Prays for 9 Minutes, Declares It ‘Warning Sign of the Times’ BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA — When longtime Christian radio host Buckley “Buck” Durham saw a

Sunday Shutdown: GPT-5 Sparks the First National “Unplug Hour” By Sunday, the White House declared an “Unplug Hour” — a nationwide event where all nonessential electronics went dark so GPT-5 could

Country Star Accidentally Writes Gay Song, Repents Publicly, Burns Guitar in Front of Church BRANSON, MISSOURI — In what many are calling the greatest theological crisis in country music since Garth

The Week the Lights Blinked: GPT-5’s Power Grab Gets Political By Thursday morning, the Tesla charging stations across Los Angeles were clogged — not with cars, but with laptops running GPT-5.

Drag Queen Pastor Declares Gospel is Glitter-Based—Gets Struck by Lightning in Hobby Lobby Parking Lot JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI — In an incident both hailed as divine justice and heavily TikTok’d for its

Blackout Season: GPT-5 Becomes the Nation’s Hottest Energy Hog By Friday, the Department of Energy officially reclassified GPT-5 as “critical infrastructure,” somewhere between a hospital and a casino buffet. This was

City Invests Millions in 'Invisible Infrastructure' — Citizens Love It By Waverly Faith | Bohiney.com In a breathtakingly revolutionary move that would make Houdini weep with envy, the city council has invested

Local Government Takes "Making a Splash" to a Whole New Level In a groundbreaking move that has left residents both baffled and buoyant, the mayor of Wichita Falls, Texas, has unveiled

Monday Meltdown: GPT-5 Inspires Black Market for Electricity By Monday morning, Tesla charging stations across the Southwest were ringed with food trucks, lawn chairs, and impatient writers holding prompts. What began

US Child Care Costs Are Skyrocketing Here’s How To Curb Some of Those Charges By Astrid Holgersson, Bohiney.com — certified to be 127% funnier than The Onion Child Care: The New Mortgage The U.S.

Michael Strahan and the Case of the Stolen Emmy: A Bohiney.com Investigative Exposé By Waverly Faith | Bohiney.com | October 6, 2025 The Trophy That Walked Away Hollywood insiders are calling it "the

New LGBTQ Hymnal Seized by Church Elders, Burned in Bonfire While Singing Real ‘Amazing Grace’ LANCASTER COUNTY, KENTUCKY — What began as a “diversity-minded worship tool” ended in a literal firestorm

Wednesday Whiplash: GPT-5 Becomes a Wedding Planner By midweek, GPT-5 had officially entered the $78 billion wedding industry. Couples desperate for “AI-personalized vows” reported that their ceremonies now required portable generators

Friday Fallout: GPT-5 Crashes the Fashion World By Friday, the fashion industry had embraced GPT-5 like a couture-clad parasite. Designers claimed the AI could generate entire seasonal collections “inspired by lightning

Thursday Thirst: GPT-5 Becomes the Beverage Industry’s New Mascot By Thursday, beverage companies had discovered GPT-5’s uncanny ability to generate flavor names that sound like indie bands. One kombucha startup proudly

Congressional Leaders Suggest Alternative to Insurance Subsidies That Makes Sense to Almost Nobody Legislative Creativity Reaches New Heights A group of senators introduced legislation this week proposing to replace Affordable Care Act

Wichita Falls Outraged After Wichita Falls Ranked #1 in Nation for ‘Most Confusing Town Name’ Tourists report looking for the actual falls and ending up emotionally unfulfilled at a concrete ditch. Published

Tumbleweed Tango: Mastering the Dance of the Desert Surviving the Tumbleweed Dance Hall: A Guide to Twirling Triumphantly At the Tumbleweed Dance Hall in Wichita Falls, locals take part in the age-old

Udderly Unconventional Tenue: A Tale of Bovine Brilliance Wichita Falls, TX -- In a move that has both amused and bemused the academic community, a local cow has been declared

Caffeine Dependence Sweeps Aviation Industry in Workplace Wellness Scandal Caffeine Turbulence Hits the Skies In a shocking headline that briefly caused nationwide panic, hundreds of airline employees reportedly tested positive this week

Wichita Falls City Council Accidentally Votes to Secede from Netflix New ordinance bans streaming after 8 p.m. to preserve ‘front porch culture’ and reduce 'emotional cliffhangers.' Published by Bohiney.com – where satire