Sibling rivalry
New Country Features Its Own Flag, Currency, and Aggressive Towel Diplomacy
Thirteen-year-old Jason Henley has unilaterally declared the upstairs bathroom his sovereign nation, citing years of tyranny under his older sister, Madison, and unjust toilet seat discrimination. “This is my land, my rules,” said Jason while taping a cardboard flag–two plungers crossed under a golden roll of Charmin–onto the shower curtain.
Jason’s proclamation came shortly after Madison denied him access during her two-hour flat iron ritual. “If I can’t have justice,” Jason stated, “then I shall have borders.”
Using Monopoly money and a fanny pack full of expired Chuck E. Cheese tokens, Jason created his own currency: the Flushbuck. Entry into Toiletopia now requires a visa (a handwritten note signed “Mom”).
Conflict escalated when Madison attempted a shampoo raid. Jason retaliated by clogging the sink with glitter and issuing an executive decree that all hair dryers are ‘weapons of follicular oppression.’
Parents attempted mediation, but their proposal of shared soap sovereignty was rejected. “She leaves bobby pins like landmines,” Jason argued. “This is war.”
Political analysts predict the civil war will end in sanctions, grounding, or Jason being forced to clean the toilet with his toothbrush (again).
Toiletopia has applied for U.N. recognition, citing its ‘three-ply constitution’ and strategic location near a heating vent. Ban Ki-moon has yet to comment.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
