FCC Demands All Cartoons Show Both Sides of Sewer Living

In a landmark ruling that shocked animators and rats alike, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has mandated that all animated programming must now present a “fair and balanced” view of sewer living. The directive comes in response to what the agency calls “decades of pro-mutant bias” in shows like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Flushed Away.

FCC Commissioner Brendan Carr explained: “For too long, American children have been fed one-sided narratives about life underground. Where is the voice of the sanitation engineer? Where is the unionized mole?”

New FCC guidelines demand that shows portray sewer conditions from both the mutant vigilante and human infrastructure perspectives. In practice, this means episodes must now include scenes of overworked plumbers filing noise complaints against nunchuck-wielding reptiles.

Nickelodeon responded with enthusiasm, announcing a new spinoff called Sewer & Order: Infrastructure Victims Unit. The show follows Detective O’Toole, a jaded NYC sewer inspector trying to make sense of turtle-caused damages.

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists claim this is a secret plan to make kids respect local government. But according to one FCC staffer: “Honestly, we just want the rats to get their due.”