Shower Thought Philosophers
“If Time Is Money, Why Can’t I Venmo the Past?”
In a bureaucratic mix-up of steamy proportions, 29-year-old Nathan Pollard’s collection of “deep shower thoughts” was accidentally submitted in place of a freshman philosophy syllabus at the University of Michigan. As a result, 200 students spent three weeks pondering questions like, “If a spoon had dreams, would they be of soup or freedom?”
“I was just jotting down brain steam while rinsing conditioner,” said Nathan, whose thoughts were saved in a Google Doc titled *Shower of Truths.*
Confusion began when Nathan, a part-time TA, submitted his personal notes instead of the class reading list. By the time anyone noticed, students were already debating concepts like “If mirrors had opinions, would they be flattering?” and “Is cereal a cold soup or an emotional crutch?”
One student reported an existential spiral after reading, “Your nostrils never see each other, yet they trust.” Another dropped the course entirely when faced with the query, “What if gravity is just the Earth trying to hug you aggressively?”
Department Chair Dr. Melinda Croft initially panicked but later called the mix-up “the most engaged students have been since we made Nietzsche optional.”
Nathan has since been offered a guest lecture slot titled *Moist Epiphanies: Philosophizing While Lathering.*
Students have created a zine inspired by his work, including original thoughts such as “When we eat cake, does the cake eat part of us emotionally?” and “Do socks dream of warm floors?”
Nathan is now considering a TED Talk inside a steam room. Working title: *Think Tank: Literal Edition.*
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
