Cryptocurrency Regrets
“They Said ‘Buy the Dip.’ No One Said the Dip Was a Pit.”
IT technician Phil Sandoval took a chance during a sleepless night and invested $1,400 into a cryptocurrency he found on a Reddit thread titled *Definitely Not Financial Advice.* Within 24 hours, he owned 0.0007 FlamingoCoin, three NFT pelicans, and a new respect for budgeting.
“I thought I was entering the future of finance,” Phil said. “Instead, I entered a digital Renaissance fair where everyone’s broke and wearing banana avatars.”
FlamingoCoin, advertised as “avian-backed wealth for the neo-woke wallet,” peaked in 2022 when it was accepted by a vegan roller rink. It’s now worth approximately the emotional value of a blocked number.
Phil tried to cash out, but his virtual wallet required six-factor authentication and a riddle from a Discord moderator named “ETHerealZaddy.”
He also attempted to sell one of his pelican NFTs, but the market had collapsed into something known as “cryptogoo,” a blockchain term meaning “whoops.”
“My portfolio’s main asset is embarrassment,” Phil admitted. “But I’m holding. For legacy.”
He’s since started a blog called *HODL Me Closer,* offering cautionary tales and pixel art of sad flamingos.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
