Theme Song Obsessions
“He Says It’s Motivation. We Say It’s Madness Set to Trombone.”
Accounts assistant Bradley Knox has developed a peculiar habit: entering every room to the tune of his self-declared theme song, a mashup of *Eye of the Tiger*, *The Office* theme, and a trombone-heavy remix of *Let It Go.* “I need to set the tone,” he said. “Literally and figuratively.”
Bradley uses a Bluetooth speaker holstered on his hip. It triggers the track every time motion is detected within a five-foot radius. The effect, according to coworkers, is somewhere between WWE entrance and spiritual harassment.
“He burst into the break room during a surprise birthday,” said HR associate Denise. “The cake collapsed. So did our spirits.”
After numerous complaints, a team-wide mediation was held, during which Bradley played his “emotional vulnerability mix” and accused the office of lacking “personal soundtracks and soul.”
Legal counsel suggested he limit music to headphones. Instead, Bradley doubled down–adding dry ice and a fog machine. “Atmosphere matters,” he explained.
Management has since instituted a policy called “Silence First, Swagger Later.”
Bradley is now freelancing as a mobile hype man for people who suffer from low hallway confidence.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
