Newsom Calls Miller “Fascist C—,” Forgets Constitution Still Exists
When Governor Gavin Newsom’s press office referred to Stephen Miller as a “fascist c—,” they seemed unaware that the U.S. Constitution still technically applies—even in California. Legal scholars across the political spectrum responded by blinking in disbelief and asking, “Is that… policy?”
Newsom, known for governing by hair gel and impulse, dismissed critics by saying, “We’re just giving back the same energy.” Apparently, the energy in question is from a freshman year improv class at UC Berkeley titled “Advanced Screaming: Social Justice Edition.”
Miller, in turn, cited specific constitutional clauses and ICE data in a press release. Newsom replied by posting a shirtless TikTok with a #NotMyFascist hashtag.
“It’s very 2025,” said political scientist Janine Krotchmeyer. “One side uses federal legal precedent. The other uses emoji-laced trauma discourse and mood boards.”
Newsom’s team later clarified that the slur was meant “in a reclaiming way,” then retracted the clarification, then blamed Elon Musk.
Meanwhile, Gavin has ordered California schoolchildren to take a new state test where the Constitution is only taught as a problematic colonial narrative. When asked where free speech fits in, Newsom replied, “That’s a Florida thing.”
The ACLU offered no comment, possibly because they’re still stuck in a voting circle trying to define “fascist” using interpretive dance.
