Stephen Colbert Replaced by Donatello, Audience Too Confused to Object
In a surprise pivot, CBS has announced that Stephen Colbert will be replaced as host of The Late Show by Donatello of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sources say the decision was made to appeal to Gen Z, millennials, and sewer-dwelling libertarians.
Donatello’s debut monologue included jokes about infrastructure decay, AI ethics, and the existential burden of being the only turtle who understands blockchain. The audience, mostly confused boomers and ironic Twitch streamers, applauded out of muscle memory.
Critics noted that while Donatello lacks traditional comedic timing, his ability to hack into a teleprompter mid-joke is “undeniably postmodern.”
Colbert, meanwhile, was seen in Central Park wearing Groucho glasses and reading a Kafka novel upside down. When approached for comment, he whispered, “I’m free, but at what cost?”
According to Nielsen data, Donatello’s first episode outperformed Colbert’s final three weeks combined, largely due to a viral clip of Donnie interviewing Elon Musk while assembling a 3D-printed espresso machine.