Why isn’t there a *Straight* Pride Month? (Every month, Karen.)
Straight Pride: A Celebration of the Totally Not Oppressed Majority
Because Literally Everything Already Celebrates You
Every June, someone asks, “Why isn’t there a Straight Pride Month?” The answer? Because society already threw you a centuries-long parade with mortgage benefits and network sitcoms.
Funny Evidence from the Overly Represented
One man wore khakis to brunch and declared himself a “straight culture icon.” Another said, “I just think things have gone too far,” while watching a rom-com marathon on six different channels.
Quote from a Hetero-Hero
“I feel left out,” said Greg Normcore. “All these rainbows make me feel… invisible. Except in literally every TV ad, billboard, and office romance policy.”
Satirical Snapshot
Straight people have no shortage of cultural representation. What they lack is a themed beverage with glitter foam and drag brunch discounts–and maybe that’s okay.
Conclusion: You Don’t Need a Parade, You Have ESPN
Love who you love, but if you feel threatened by rainbow capitalism for one month a year, maybe spend the other 11 reflecting on why that bothers you so much.
For more hetero hilarity, march proudly to bohiney.com
