TikTok Star Kale Blaster Apologizes for Crowning Meme

Vermont-based TikTok star Kale Blaster (they/them), whose sign “Bernie Is Our Emperor Now” accidentally launched a week-long meltdown in the No Kings movement, issued a tearful apology video this week titled “I Didn’t Mean to Crown Anyone 😭✊🏽.”

In the 90-second clip, Kale wears a burlap hoodie and speaks directly into their repurposed iPhone camera, set against a background of protest flags, dried flowers, and a small shrine to bell hooks.

“I never meant to harm the movement,” Kale said, “or to impose a hierarchical metaphorical narrative on a horizontal space. I thought it was a vibe. A loving, decolonized vibe.”

The video has since been viewed 1.3 million times, with comments ranging from “We forgive you, comrade 💕” to “We must hold signs accountable.”

Kale has since stepped down from their unpaid position as Director of Radical Typography in the Burlington protest arts subcommittee and promised to undergo a four-week “metaphorical detox” facilitated by an anarchist therapist named Zuzu.

The fallout has prompted new protest protocols, including a ban on phrases containing “emperor,” “crown,” “duke,” “sheriff,” or “seating-related imperialism.” Future slogans must be approved by a rotating council of consensus poets.

Kale now plans to publish a zine called My Bad: Navigating Post-Ironic Tyranny in Protest Spaces, featuring essays, vegan recipes, and a crossword puzzle where every answer is “anarchy.”

As for Bernie, his only comment was, “I don’t know what TikTok is, but if they’re protesting inequality, I’m with them. Just leave my wardrobe out of it.”