Says Reflection Is the Only Accountability a Patriot Needs
Trump Approves National “No Apologies Week,” Replaces Flag with Giant Mirror
Says Reflection Is the Only Accountability a Patriot Needs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning executive memo drafted entirely in Sharpie, Donald J. Trump has declared the first week of every July as *No Apologies Week*, a federal observance aimed at “reminding Americans that saying sorry is for people who lose elections.”
To mark the holiday, all American flags will be temporarily replaced by massive golden mirrors, allowing citizens to salute their own greatness and practice expressions like *”I was right all along.”*
“This is a time for boldness, bluster, and forgetting what you did wrong on the Fourth of July barbecue circuit,” Trump said during a rally held in front of an inflatable Mount Rushmore featuring only his face.
Schoolchildren will recite the new Pledge of Allegiance: *”I pledge allegiance to myself, and to the winning I deserve.”*
Congressional Democrats briefly protested the holiday until realizing it included free mirrors, which they said “could reflect policy nuance.”
Trump concluded, “Apologizing is just admitting you weren’t me.”
The Department of Education is expected to roll out a corresponding curriculum, “Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me).”
Critics call the holiday “narcissistic.” Supporters say, “Exactly.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
