Includes Real-Time Excuse Generator and Tweet Scheduler
Trump Launches “Blame-O-Meter” App That Assigns Fault With 99% Accuracy to Anyone But Himself
Includes Real-Time Excuse Generator and Tweet Scheduler
PALM BEACH, FL — Donald Trump has introduced the “Blame-O-Meter,” a smartphone app that promises to help users assign fault with uncanny precision–provided the blame never lands on them.
“This app is tremendous. It’s like a crystal ball but for excuses,” Trump said during a press event broadcast from a golf cart equipped with a satellite dish.
Key features include:
- Real-time excuse generator that suggests lines like “Fake news made me do it” and “Must be a witch hunt.”
- Automatic tweet scheduler to blast blame at prime time audiences.
- “Oops Alert” that quickly replaces confessions with deflections.
Users have already reported an 87% increase in social media engagement and a 0% increase in personal accountability.
The app syncs with Truth Social and includes a “Make America Blameless” leaderboard.
Critics warn it encourages denial culture. Trump responded, “Denial is just a strong form of belief.”
Elon Musk was seen trying to buy the company to integrate it with his neural network projects but was rebuffed with a curt “No can do, buddy.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
