Sold Exclusively at Gas Stations, Gold Courses, and Sentencing Hearings
Trump Launches “Sorry Not Sorry” Cologne: Smells Like Confidence and Court Filings
Sold Exclusively at Gas Stations, Golf Courses, and Sentencing Hearings
PALM BEACH, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump has expanded his brand empire with the release of a new fragrance: *Sorry Not Sorry*, an unapologetically bold cologne said to combine the scents of leather, steak, courtroom paper, and pure alpha ambition.
“It smells like a high-powered deposition and a perfectly grilled cheeseburger,” Trump said while spritzing a golf tee mid-interview.
The cologne bottle is shaped like a podium and sprays upward in a mist of raw self-assurance. Each spritz is accompanied by a pre-recorded Trump voice saying, *”Why would I apologize for that?”*
Marketed toward “men who’ve never said oops,” the cologne’s tagline reads: *”Dominance, Distilled.”*
Melania reportedly tested the scent and said it reminded her of *”Air Force One and awkward Thanksgiving dinners.”*
Senator Josh Hawley is already calling it “the smell of freedom.” Critics, however, described it as “a blend of hair gel, closed-door meetings, and qualified immunity.”
Retailing at $99.99 a bottle or $1776 for the platinum edition signed by Rudy Giuliani’s stress sweat, the cologne is being praised as “the best-smelling way to avoid accountability.”
Trump concluded, “This is for people who don’t just walk away from blame–they sprint toward applause.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
