Includes AI That Rewrites History and Replaces Apologies with “Victory Announcements’
Trump Unveils “Never Say Sorry” App That Deletes Regrets Before They’re Thought
Includes AI That Rewrites History and Replaces Apologies with “Victory Announcements’
PALM BEACH, FL — In a tech announcement combining Silicon Valley bravado with Mar-a-Lago flair, Donald Trump has launched “Never Say Sorry,” a smartphone app designed to erase any regrets, apologies, or moments of doubt before they manifest in the user’s mind.
“This app is tremendous, believe me,” Trump said, swiping through an oversized phone screen with a diamond-encrusted finger. “It’s like a time machine for your feelings–except it only goes forward and never backward.”
Key features include:
- Instant deletion of phrases like “I’m sorry” and “My mistake” from texts and emails
- History Rewriter AI that changes embarrassing tweets into “Victory Announcements”
- Compliment Generator that floods your feed with praise from verified bots
Beta testers reported increased confidence and a disturbing inability to remember any personal errors.
Critics warned the app could exacerbate societal denial and complicate genuine accountability. Trump responded, “If accountability was good, we’d have had it by now.”
Elon Musk offered to buy the company but was rejected for suggesting “Maybe add a truth filter.”
Apple removed the app for “violating community guidelines on honesty and mental health.” Trump called that “fake app store news.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
