Mar-a-Lago Staff Say It’s Been Empty Since the 1980s, Just Like His Filter

Trump’s Apology Jar Found Empty, Refilled with IOUs and Golf Tees

Mar-a-Lago Staff Say It’s Been Empty Since the 1980s, Just Like His Filter

PALM BEACH, FL — A decorative “Apology Jar” discovered at Mar-a-Lago has been revealed to contain nothing but unpaid IOUs, golf tees, and a note reading: “Nice try, losers.” According to insiders, the jar–originally intended for self-reflection–was repurposed in the late ’80s after Trump accidentally said “my bad” and felt dizzy for a week.

“It’s tradition,” said longtime aide Sandy Wexler. “When normal people mess up, they apologize. When Trump messes up, he buys the building and renames the street.”

The jar sits in the private suite labeled “Executive Humility Chamber,” a room otherwise filled with mirrors, steak sauce, and a looping video of Trump refusing to back down on any known fact.

Melania reportedly added a single handwritten apology once–for marrying him–but it was quietly removed and replaced with a scented hand towel.

Trump commented, “I don’t do jars. I do headlines.”

Historians believe this could be the only American apology jar to gain value due to its total vacancy. Sotheby’s has already appraised it at $4.6 million.

Plans are underway to mass-produce replicas with the slogan: “No Sorries, No Surrender.”

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SOURCES:

How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything

and

How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing