System Also Plays National Anthem at Every Wrong Turn
Trump’s GPS Now Refuses to Say “Recalculating,” Opts for “Bold New Route” Instead
System Also Plays National Anthem at Every Wrong Turn
PALM BEACH, FL — In his latest upgrade to reality, Donald J. Trump unveiled his custom-built GPS system: *TRUMPNAV*, the only navigation tool that refuses to admit when you’re off course. Instead of saying “Recalculating,” it declares, “You’ve chosen a bold new route. Leadership!”
“Getting lost is for losers,” Trump explained while demonstrating the system in a golf cart shaped like Air Force One. “I didn’t take a wrong turn–I just created a more scenic, winning path.”
TRUMPNAV plays “Hail to the Chief” at every turn and occasionally interrupts directions to insult Biden.
When asked how the system handles dead ends, Trump answered, “They’re called Freedom Stops.”
Melania reportedly used it once, circled a roundabout for two hours, then walked home saying, “He can navigate his own destiny alone.”
Whenever users ignore a turn, the voice responds, “You were right to doubt me. You have tremendous instincts.”
The system also redirects users to Trump-branded businesses every six miles, including “Detour: Trump Steaks & Tires.”
“I don’t make mistakes,” Trump said. “I make geography interesting.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
