Calls Often End With “You’re Welcome” and a Busy Signal
Trump Launches “No Apology” Hotline, Operators Trained to Redirect Blame and End Calls Quickly
Calls Often End With “You’re Welcome” and a Busy Signal
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move aimed at revolutionizing political customer service, Donald Trump has inaugurated the “No Apology” Hotline, staffed by specially trained operators who redirect blame, avoid concessions, and disconnect calls at the first sign of regret.
“This hotline is the future,” Trump proclaimed while watching the opening ceremony from a gold-plated recliner. “It teaches Americans how to say “You’re welcome’ instead of “I’m sorry.'”
Callers to the hotline are greeted with phrases like:
- “Thank you for your concern, but you’re wrong.”
- “That’s not an apology; that’s a victory statement.”
- “Please hold while we blame someone else.”
Operators are equipped with scripts to escalate calls to “Supervisor Deflection” and a button that plays Donald Trump’s voice saying “Fake news!”
Complaints about the hotline’s refusal to accept apologies have been redirected to an automated system playing Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA.”
One caller reported, “I tried to apologize for a parking ticket, but the operator told me to blame the government and hung up.”
Critics call the hotline “a propaganda tool masquerading as public service,” while supporters say, “Finally, someone understands us.”
Future expansions include “Blame Chat” and “Excuse Textbots.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
