Gandhi Survives Third Assassination Attempt at “Peace Fiesta” Radical Violence Escalates In an alarming escalation of extremist violence, Mahatma Gandhi—recently resurrected and embraced by a segment of conservative media as a symbolic

Gandhi's Fruit-Only Snack Sparks Full-Blown Media Panic Over Portion Control WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mahatma Gandhi, recently resurrected and currently residing at Mar-a-Lago, caused a media firestorm after being spotted at the

EF Index Declares America Fluent, But Emotionally Unavailable By: Department of Denial and Diction, Bohiney Magazine Satirical Journalism | Language, Liberty & Loneliness | 2,222 Words of Fluent Numbness Breaking: The United States

You Are What You Eat, and America Is Mostly Ranch-Flavored Particleboard From Farm to Dumpster Fire: America’s Cuisine Now 82% Artificial and 110% Patriotic According to a new joint study by the

SYDNEY SWEENEY’S JEANS CAUSE WOKE MELTDOWN AMERICAN EAGLE BLAMED FOR REVIVING BLONDE SUPREMACY Denim & Dissonance: The Day the Woke Declared War on Pants WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a cultural event now referred

Agents Alarmed by "Excessive Inner Peace" and Homemade Sandals ATLANTA, GA -- Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport denied Mahatma Gandhi access to TSA PreCheck this week, citing

America’s Emotional Support Snacks Demand Healthcare Benefits, Unionize Under Cheeto Local 420 Snack Solidarity Rises: Emotional Support Foods Demand Recognition, Dignity, and Dental In what experts are calling “America’s most delicious labor

FDA Accidentally Approves Bluetooth Brain Grill Washington, D.C. — In a late-night paperwork mix-up, the Food and Drug Administration accidentally approved a Bluetooth-enabled brain-mounted hibachi grill instead of Neuralink’s latest neural

Taylor Sheridan’s New Show: Horse Ranch Meets Sewer System Television auteur Taylor Sheridan, creator of Yellowstone, 1883, and Lawman: Bass Reeves, has finally reached the apex of genre fusion with his

NPR Apologizes After Misidentifying Gandhi's Stroll as Coordinated Anti-Capitalist Demonstration WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A peaceful morning stroll by Mahatma Gandhi turned into a public relations nightmare for NPR when its AI-powered

Gandhi Returns, Immediately Denounced by Brooklyn Vegan Book Club By Saffron Sledgehammer, Enlightenment Correspondent BROOKLYN, NY — The world awaited the return of Mahatma Gandhi with cautious hope. Instead, Brooklyn’s woker-than-thou high

Her Genes are GREAT; People Question the Jeans Sydney Sweeney Has Great Jeans? Picture this: you’re wandering the mall, buying jeans the old-fashioned way—without ideological baggage. Suddenly, an ad slams you with

OP-ED: Huffington Post Claims Trump’s Cancer Cure Is “Capitalist Appropriation of Empathy” BROOKLYN, NY — In a blistering thinkpiece that set the progressive internet ablaze and caused three organic candle stores

How Greg Gutfeld Systematically Destroyed Jimmy Kimmel's Career: A Masterclass in Late-Night Domination The Fox News Host Who Turned Late-Night Television Upside Down In the most devastating career assassination since David slayed

Biden Officials Alarmed as Gandhi's Feet Undermine $1.2 Trillion in Transit Spending WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a shocking act of non-motorized defiance, Mahatma Gandhi declined a government-provided Uber ride this week

Amazonian Cruise Ship Converts into Conference Call Center The M/S Amazonia Luxe, a behemoth designed for gawking at rainforest canopies from infinity pools, now sits anchored mid-river, its engines idling as a

FCC Demands All Cartoons Show Both Sides of Sewer Living In a landmark ruling that shocked animators and rats alike, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has mandated that all animated programming

Arizona Senator and Former Astronaut Schools Military on Ethics While Defense Department Experiences Existential Crisis Astronaut Senator Launches Ethics Into Orbit Senator Mark Kelly of Arizona, a man who has literally been

The newly formed agency, established six weeks ago to regulate and leverage digital assets for national infrastructure, was deemed "more of a social media group chat than a government department." Trump

The Clintons Subpoenaed in Epstein Probe: America Reacts with Shock, Awe, and “Wait, Again?” By Investigative Humorist-in-Chief, Rance ThunderbellyWashington Bureau | August 2025 | Special to Bohiney & SpinTaxi In what political

DEVELOPING: MSNBC Analyst Identifies Trump’s Tie as “Microaggressive.” What started as commentary on Trump’s tie color at a rally quickly evolved into national discourse when an MSNBC political stylist labeled it

NYT Accused of 'Malice' — Also Accused of Using Too Many Big Words in Headlines The Vocabulary Controversy Dividing America In a groundbreaking accusation that threatens to reshape American journalism, The New

Trump Cures Cancer, Still Blamed For Rising Tanning Bed Emissions “No Matter What I Do, Karen From Vermont Still Hates Me,” Says Re-Elected President Trump By Buck Malone, White House Barbecue Correspondent-at-Large WASHINGTON,

RFK Jr. Orders National 'Nap Time'; Americans Complain They Can't Sleep at Work In an unprecedented move aimed at boosting productivity and morale, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (United States Secretary of

The Poll Americans Didn't Know They Cared About American Eagle/Sydney Sweeney According to the full cross-tab analysis released by Red Wedge Public Insight Group (a polling firm best known for their viral

PRESS ALERT: MSNBC Claims Trump’s Cancer Cure Harms Mood Spectrum Diversity NEW YORK CITY — Just moments after Donald J. Trump announced a full-spectrum medical breakthrough that eliminates all known cancers

Marxist Media Hates Trump for Ending Poverty Without Using Communism MSNBC Warns Trump’s Job Boom Could ‘Exploit Labor by Giving People Paychecks’ By Buck Malone, Senior Correspondent for Satirical Resentment & BBQ

Trump Resurrects Gandhi—and Left‑Leaning Media Accuses Him of Cultural Appropriation THE DAILY BEAST: “TRUMP CALLED GANDHI A 'VERY SKINNY WIZARD'” According to unnamed sources, Trump allegedly described Gandhi as: “A great guy. Very

Senate Passes Pentagon Bill — Forgot To Mention Which Pentagon, Gets Back To You Legislative Body Discovers Critical Oversight After Unanimous Vote on Defense Spending WASHINGTON — The U.S. Senate passed the

Federal Judge Sides With Gators: Orders Closing of “Alligator Alcatraz” Gators File Class Action After Being Forced To Eat Immigrates Judge Makes  "A Modest Proposal"  By Alison Silverman | Bohiney Magazine Welcome to the

Trump Orders 'Arc de Trump' for 250th Anniversary; Critics Say It's Just a Big Orange Doorway In a move hailed by some as "visionary" and by others as "architectural indigestion," former

7 Out of 10 Journalists Admit Their Job Is to Cover for Democrats and Trans Activists Washington, D.C. — In a stunning confession that surprised exactly no one, a new Bohiney.com

BREAKING: Trump Secures Mars as U.S. Territory; Biden Calls It “Reckless Colonization of Martian BIPOC.”  In a move no NASA administrator saw coming, former President Trump last night issued Executive Decree