FDA Accidentally Approves Bluetooth Brain Grill
Washington, D.C. — In a late-night paperwork mix-up, the Food and Drug Administration accidentally approved a Bluetooth-enabled brain-mounted hibachi grill instead of Neuralink’s latest neural interface.
The product, submitted under the name “Neurogrill™,” was intended as a performance art joke by inventor Blaze McButane, who once cooked a hot dog on his uncle’s pacemaker.
Due to identical formatting and an overworked FDA intern named Jasper, the brain grill was granted full Class II approval, allowing “direct cranial application for culinary stimulation.”
By sunrise, five TikTok influencers had already installed the device and made scrambled eggs using thought energy and positive affirmations.
“It works,” said influencer @GrillDaddyNeurologica, “but the sizzle gives me dreams about Gordon Ramsay yelling in my spine.”
The FDA quickly retracted the approval, noting that while “we are open to innovation,” the brain is “not an appropriate site for propane tanks or hotplate arrays.”
Neuralink has distanced itself from the grill, though Elon Musk briefly tweeted “🔥🔥🔥 Brain BBQ coming soon 🔥🔥🔥” before deleting it.
Congress has called for a review of FDA application protocols, especially since a toothbrush that whispers compliments was also mistakenly approved as a nasal decongestant.
Neurogrill is now banned in 47 states and all public libraries.