Santa Trades Magic for Market Forces in a Bold Yuletide Overhaul North Pole Workshop Reinvents Itself with a Capitalist Twist By C.R. "Loose Lips" Lucchese, Chief Elf Correspondent North Pole – In a

Trump Declares “Harvard for Americans” Policy, Adds Hotdog Bar to Café CAMBRIDGE, MA — Former President Donald Trump announced today that he has “unofficially but spiritually” acquired Harvard University and is

Sam Altman: The Tech Messiah or Just a Silicon Valley Overlord in Disguise? By Chips McSnarky, Bohiney Satirical Correspondent If ambition were a sport, Sam Altman would be the undefeated heavyweight champion

Musk Mocks USDA Officials in Wild Bird Flu Mix-Up The Bizarre Case of the USDA and Its Headless Chickens: A Satirical Journey into Avian Pandemonium It’s not every day you hear about

Maduro's Big Navy Problem: World's Largest Warship Crashes His Dictator Party CARACAS — Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro announced Friday that the United States is "fabricating" a war against him, which is

BREAKING: Trump Fails to Appear in Files, MSNBC Declares It a “Deepfake Absence” In a stunning act of reverse reporting, MSNBC officially concluded that Donald Trump’s name not appearing in the

Bezos in the Basilica: The Billionaire Who Rented Venice for Love VENICE, ITALY – In a move widely described as “slightly modest for a demigod,” Jeff Bezos—Amazon founder, part-time astronaut, and

How to Avoid 10 Common Job Interview Mistakes and Land Your Next Job (Or At Least Get a Free Coffee) The Secrets to Acing Job Interviews (Or at Least Surviving Them) By

🎬 "The Monkey": A Barrel of Laughs or Just Monkey Business? 🐒 In the grand tradition of horror-comedies that make you question your life choices, Osgood Perkins' latest film, "The Monkey,"

AI Chatbot Wins Employee of the Month, Demands Corner Server Rack By Clarisse Fontaine, Senior Algorithmic Labor Correspondent SEATTLE, WA — Streamline Solutions Inc. has done what economists once warned and copywriters

Epstein Docs Debunk Trump Connection, Media Demands New Set of Documents After the Department of Justice released a trove of Epstein-related files confirming that Donald J. Trump’s name was nowhere to

AstroForge’s Lost Asteroid Mining Mission: The Most Expensive Game of Hide-and-Seek in History A Bold New Frontier in Losing Things AstroForge, the ambitious startup that promised to mine asteroids for precious metals,

Taylor Swift Headlines the 2028 GOP Convention: The Love Story That Became a Platform By Clara Olsen, Bohiney Magazine From Pop Star to Political Populist By the time 2028 rolls around, the Grand

Trump’s Border Czar Schools Selena Gomez: “This Isn’t a Movie, Folks!” A-List Activism Collides With Cold, Hard Facts By Savannah Scorn, Senior Reporter  In a dramatic collision of Hollywood tears and Homeland Security’s

Trump's Bold Plan to Starve America Back to Greatness: The Return to "Subsistence Farming" Eggs, Agriculture, and the American Dream-Or Nightmare? In a move that left both economists and chickens equally bewildered,

MLB's Robo-Umpires: The Machines Have Taken Over—And They’re Calling the Game Baseball Just Got a Firmware Update For over a century, baseball fans have had one consistent joy: screaming at umpires who

UAE Crypto Firm Admits to Wash Trading on Uniswap Following FBI Sting Operation Crypto Crime Just Got Rinsed and Repeated Blockchain Bros Learn That “Decentralized” Doesn’t Mean “Uncatchable” By Ethel Ledger, Financial Crimes

The Murdoch Empire: A Family Feud So Big, It’s Now Its Own Media Franchise Fox News, Family Feuds, and Five Marriages: How Rupert Murdoch’s Empire is Coming Apart at the Seams Rupert

NCAA Launches College Poker League, Declares Bluffing an Essential Life Skill Higher Ed Goes All In: Student Athletes Now Gambling Their Futures in a Whole New Way By Blaine ‘River Rat’ McAllister,

No More Free Bubble Gum and Toilet Paper A Guide for Foreign Leaders Navigating Trump's 'America First' Doctrine Welcome, esteemed global leaders, to the era of President Donald J. Trump's second term—a

Government Optimism vs. Buried Reality The Karma Valley blizzard tested the limits of both humans and controlled optimism. Over 350 Everest tourists trapped discovered that Mount Everest weather October does not

Taylor Swift Goes MAGA: Kelce Persuades Her to Settle Down and Be Responsible By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney Magazine A New Era: From Eras Tour to America First Taylor Swift, America’s pop priestess of

Fake Farmer Scams $8.75M: Green Energy Crook Wins 'Agriculture's Got Talent' Judges reportedly blinded by solar panels made of cardboard. A Shady Harvest: How One Man Planted Deception and Grew Millions In a

New Study Reveals That Meetings Are Just Office Naps with PowerPoints Experts Suggest Canceling Meetings to Improve Productivity—Bosses Call It ‘Unrealistic’ Groundbreaking Research on Workplace Inefficiency BOSTON — A new study published by

In the grand theater of American football, where the drama on the field is rivaled only by the intrigue off it, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stands as the maestro, orchestrating

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: Protecting Consumers, One Headache at a Time Is the CFPB a Hero, a Villain, or Just a Bureaucratic Mystery? The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) is the

History Textbooks Declare Independence from Facts, Demand Emotional Support Chapter America's schoolbooks file for creative freedom, citing emotional burnout, unrealistic accuracy standards, and constant fact-checking abuse By Bohiney Magazine Staff | October 27,

God Made Taco Bell and all the Burritos How The New York Times, Atheists, and Harvard’s Physics Department Were Forced to Admit the Divine Origin of Burritos New York, NY -- In

When the Players Become the Gamblers: The High-Stakes World of Athlete Betting" In the grand arena of professional sports, where athletes are idolized for their discipline, skill, and dedication, a shadowy

Denmark Declares Snail Mail Extinct: A Funeral for the Red Letterbox By Annika Steinmann – Bohiney Magazine The Great Danish Mail Murder Once upon a time, Denmark delivered 1.4 billion letters a year.

Everest Blizzard: When Tourism Meets Existential Dread Over 350 Everest tourists trapped in Karma Valley this October discovered firsthand that Mount Everest blizzard 2025 does not negotiate with vacation plans. Guides

Divorced Men and the Mythical “Final Straw” A Forensic Comedy of Marriage Meltdowns By Annika Steinmann — Bohiney.com, the only news outlet certified by laboratory science to be 127% funnier than The

Waymo Still Working Out the Issues — Driverless Cars Featuring Occasional Panic Mode By Annika Steinmann | Bohiney Magazine San Francisco — Self-driving car company Waymo has admitted that its fleet occasionally experiences "existential hesitation"