Fox Host Calls Bernie “Wool-Clad Pharaoh of Vermont” in Heated Rant
In the latest episode of televised aneurysm theater, Fox News host Bret Holster erupted into a 9-minute monologue accusing Senator Bernie Sanders of attempting to “seize the monarchy of Vermont” following the now infamous “Bernie Is Our Emperor Now” protest sign. Holster, visibly sweating and gesturing with an antique American flag, repeatedly referred to Sanders as the “Wool-Clad Pharaoh of Vermont.”
“He wears mittens. He waves to people like a benevolent warlord. And now his woke cult wants to build him a maple syrup throne,” Holster warned. “Wake up, America! This is how socialism becomes feudalism!”
As graphics flashed across the screen — including “LEFTIST CROWN GRAB?” and “FEEL THE TYRANNY” — Holster ranted about how Sanders “already controls public opinion, gas station morality, and the NPR tote bag industrial complex.”
The Fox chyron team outdid themselves with segment titles like “RED REGIME IN THE GREEN MOUNTAINS” and “FROM BREAD LINES TO CROWN JEWELS.”
Reaction online was swift. Progressive Twitter mocked the segment, trending hashtags like #MittensOfOppression and #FlannelFascism. One user wrote, “Bernie won’t even accept a Starbucks gift card. You think he wants a crown?”
Sanders himself, reached for comment, simply said, “Look, I’m flattered. But if I’m a pharaoh, then my pyramids are made of insulin and dental plans.”
Meanwhile, a Vermont woodcarver has reportedly begun sculpting a small “Pharaoh Bernie” statue out of reclaimed Bernie signs and bark mulch, with plans to donate proceeds to Meals on Wheels. Fox News is expected to cover this as “monarchical propaganda disguised as handicrafts.”