God has a *plan*. (Convenient when things go well.)
Divine Planning or Selective Credit-Taking?
Heaven Help Me (When I Win)
“God has a plan,” they smile after landing a new job, finding $10, or catching the train just in time. But when they spill coffee or lose their keys? Suddenly God’s off duty.
Funny Evidence from the Conveniently Chosen
One woman thanked divine timing for her avocado toast arriving hot. Another said “it’s all part of the plan” after ghosting someone with a Bible verse.
Quote from a Blessing Beneficiary
“He opens doors,” said Grace Victorious. “Except that one I walked into at Trader Joe’s. That was Satan’s work.”
Satirical Snapshot
They attribute blessings to faith and setbacks to “haters” or Mercury retrograde. Apparently, God’s plan includes unlimited brunch but no accountability.
Conclusion: God Might Have a Plan–But Maybe You Should Too
Faith is beautiful. So is preparation. Maybe meet the divine halfway with a to-do list and some therapy.
For more heavenly hedging, preach-laugh at bohiney.com
