100,000 Bureaucrats Give Up Trump's Titanic — White House to Offer Them Lifejackets (But Only if They Quit First) By Chloe Summers, Bohiney Magazine The Mass Federal Exodus Nobody Planned—Except Everyone Did It

How Socialism Destroyed the British Empire: A Satirical Guide to Imperial Decline The Great British Bake-Off: How to Serve Humble Pie While Pretending You're Still the Chef When Empire Meets Reality TV:

The Great American Dumpster Diver Boom: How Trash Became the New Target Run From iPad cases to frozen burritos, savvy scavengers are striking gold behind retail stores—while corporations dump profits and

Corporate Landlords Make Rent Go Down and Diversity Go Up, Also Make Homeownership as Achievable as Time Travel Wall Street Discovers How to Solve Housing Crisis: Make Everyone Poor Equally NEW YORK,

Gen Z Discovers Retirement is Real, Panics Upon Learning It Requires 40+ Years of Employment "Wait, You Have to Work Until You're 65?" Reports Shocked 22-Year-Old Generation Raised on Influencer Culture Confronts

The Elves Know Best: A Santa Claus Story About Freedom and Hard Work Written by Santa Claus (with a little help from a 80-year-old muckety-muck with tenure and a 20-year-old philosophy-major-turned-dairy-farmer) A

Socialists Fail Every Test: Javier Milei Hands Out Failing Grades to His Opponents When Socialist Economics Meets Reality: An F- in Basic Markets Socialists love grand speeches about equality and fairness, but

2030: Humanity Outsourced — The Great Job Loss Comedy Special Welcome to the 99% Unemployment Era By 2030, an AI expert predicts that 99% of humans will be unemployed, and society will

Trump Announces New External Revenue Service: The Art of the (Tax) Deal "Why tax Americans when you can tax everyone else?" says Trump. Experts remain stunned, comedians thrilled. In a move only

Government Unveils New Tax: 10% on All Complaints Filed About Taxes In a move being hailed as both ingenious and diabolical, the federal government announced a 10% levy on all complaints

Leap Years: Missing Leap Days, Missing Accountability “No Leaps, No Labor!” Elves Demand Fair Treatment By Holly Tinseltop, Labor Correspondent NORTH POLE—In a move that has shaken the festive foundations of the North

Government Shutdown Enters Week Two: Air Traffic Controllers Replaced by GPS Apps and Prayers When the skies operate on hope and a smartphone, you know Congress has officially lost the plot. Federal

Millennials and Gen Z Pack Bags While Urban Hipsters Collect Avocado Toast Young Adults Eye Escape Routes While Cities Hoard Avocado Toast A new report shows that young adults in several U.S.

In a recent analysis, USA Today unveiled a comprehensive map detailing the balance of federal funding across states. The report highlights disparities in how much federal money states receive compared

Labor Department Admits 900,000 Jobs Were Fictional, Blames Intern Who Confused Excel Spreadsheet with Fantasy Football Draft Bureau of Labor Statistics Discovers Largest "Oopsie" in Economic History WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what

Steelers International Game Disaster: Trump Threatens Tariffs on Guinness After Ireland Incident President Proposes Atlantic Ocean Wall, $40 Potato Tax Following NFL Exhibition Chaos DUBLIN, IRELAND NFL Exhibition Game Turns Into International Incident The Pittsburgh

Taylor Swift’s Secret Socialist Agenda: Redefining Property Ownership One Mansion at a Time By Persephone Stacks, Chief Real Estate Satirist Taylor Swift: Capitalist Queen or Mansion-Hoarding Socialist Overlord? Taylor Swift, the chart-topping singer-songwriter

The American Concorde may fly you from New York to London in just 3.5 hours without the dreaded sonic boom, but tickets will be more expensive than first class, as

Black Friday Begins Wednesday Now, Proving Americans Will Shop During Any Holiday If the Discount Sign Is Large Enough Nation's Premier Shopping Event Expands Until It Swallows Thanksgiving, November, and Increasingly