Foreigners Now Paying Our Bills

Foreigners Now Paying for America: Thanks to Trump’s Tariffs, Americans Can Finally Afford Stadium Tickets, Eggs, and Maybe Even Rent

Because why should Americans suffer when we can just make other countries pay for our government instead?


In a historic move that economists, globalists, and oat-milk-loving NPR hosts are losing their minds over, President Donald Trump has once again reshaped the American economy—this time by getting foreigners to foot the bill for everything. His latest round of tariffs on China, Mexico, and Canada has left Americans celebrating like they just found out student loans were canceled (without having to vote for Bernie Sanders).

For decades, Americans were told that our economy was a complicated web of imports, exports, and trade balances. Turns out, it was a lot simpler than that: just make foreigners pay for everything.

After years of waiting for some magical economic theory to fix things, Trump’s approach is a breath of fresh air. Instead of making Americans suffer through higher taxes and inflation, he figured out the ultimate loophole—just make other countries cover our tab. And now, thanks to these tariffs, Americans are seeing the benefits firsthand.


Egg Prices Drop: Omelets Back on the Menu, Vegans in Mourning

For the last two years, buying a carton of eggs was considered an investment riskier than cryptocurrency. Inflation, supply chain issues, and global instability had turned breakfast into a luxury. People were bartering on the streets: “I’ll trade you my firstborn for six eggs and a strip of bacon.”

But now? Egg prices are plummeting—thanks to the tariffs! Foreigners are picking up the tab, and suddenly, working-class Americans can afford to eat like kings again. The only losers? Vegans. They spent the last two years perfecting their tofu-scramble recipes, and now no one wants to hear about them anymore.

“I stocked up on flaxseed for nothing!” cried Karen Greenleaf, a self-proclaimed plant-based lifestyle coach.

Sorry, Karen—eggs are back, and they’re affordable. Thanks, tariffs!


Stadium Tickets: The American Middle Class is Back in the Game

Before Trump’s tariffs, the average American family had a better chance of getting hit by lightning twice than affording a decent ticket to a sporting event. Watching a football game in person cost more than a down payment on a car.

But now? Thanks to foreigners paying our government bills, Americans finally have extra cash to afford those stadium tickets again.

“For years, I had to tell my kid we could only afford to watch the games from home,” said Bob Tailgate, a father of three. “Now, thanks to Trump’s tariffs, we’re going to see the game in person—and I might even be able to afford a hot dog!”

Of course, beer prices are still wildly unreasonable—because even tariffs can’t break the stranglehold of stadium beer cartels. Some things, it seems, are immune to economic reform.


Foreigners Are the Real Unsung Heroes Here

Look, we get it—tariffs aren’t just magic money machines. Someone has to pay. And that someone isn’t us anymoreit’s foreigners.

In the past, our government ran on taxes taken straight from American paychecks. We worked hard, paid our taxes, and got to watch Congress blow all that money on pointless foreign wars and bridges that never got built.

Now? The system has been reversed. Our international trade partners are covering the costs, and Americans get to keep more of their paychecks.

And let’s be honest—this is what other countries have been doing to us for decades. China has been taking advantage of cheap labor and terrible trade deals to suck America dry. Mexico has been sending us overpriced avocados while keeping its drug cartels fully operational. And Canada? They’ve been smugly sitting up there, pretending to be polite while dumping their overpriced lumber and maple syrup into our economy.

Now, for once, the script has been flipped.


Critics Say “Tariffs Might Raise Prices,” But Who Trusts Economists Anyway?

The usual suspects are freaking out. Wall Street analysts, corporate CEOs, and people who wear bow ties unironically are warning that these tariffs could lead to higher prices for American consumers.

But let’s be real—these are the same people who told us inflation was ‘transitory.’

These are the same experts who looked at skyrocketing gas prices and said, “Have you considered buying an electric car?”

These are the same economists who spent decades telling us that outsourcing American jobs to China was actually a good thing—until suddenly, they realized we couldn’t manufacture anything in our own country anymore.

So forgive us if we don’t buy their ‘concerns’ this time.


Mexico and Canada Are Big Mad—But What Are They Gonna Do, Apologize?

Naturally, our trading partners are not happy. Mexico and Canada are furious, mostly because they’ve been making out like bandits for years and now they have to contribute to the system they’ve been benefiting from.

Canadian officials released a statement condemning the tariffs, saying, “This is unfair to our maple syrup industry!” Mexico is also livid, worried that avocado prices might rise—which is truly the biggest crisis to hit their economy since Taco Bell started selling nacho fries.

China, of course, is really upset—which is how we know this was a great idea. When China is mad, you know something good just happened for America.


The New American Dream: Make Other Countries Pay for Your Problems

For years, Americans have been told that the only way to fix our economy was to either tax ourselves into oblivion or let big corporations do whatever they want.

Trump has introduced a third optionmake other countries pay for our problems instead.

Think about it:

  • Why tax working-class Americans when China can foot the bill?
  • Why struggle with high inflation when Mexico can cover the gap?
  • Why let Canada sell us overpriced goods when we can charge them for the privilege?

It’s a brilliant move—one that could change how the world works forever.


Conclusion: The economy just got a whole lot funnier.

 

BOHINEY NEWS --Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (9)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda…– bohiney.com

 



15 Observations on Trump’s Tariffs and Foreigners Paying for Our Government

  1. Finally, America figured out how to tax other countries without even asking them. We just slap tariffs on imports, and voilà—foreigners are covering our bills like a dad paying for his kid’s college but getting nothing in return.
  2. With China, Mexico, and Canada picking up the tab, Americans can finally afford stadium tickets again. Beer prices, however, remain unaffected because even tariffs can’t fight the power of overpriced Bud Light.
  3. Egg prices are down, meaning omelets are back on the menu! Sorry to those who spent all of last year learning how to make vegan substitutes—turns out we just needed a tariff.
  4. Critics say tariffs could increase costs for Americans, but that’s just economist talk for ‘we don’t know how to have fun.’ If foreigners are covering our bills, why not let them?
  5. Turns out the best way to fix the economy is by making other people pay for it. Someone should have told FDR—he would’ve slapped tariffs on Europe instead of launching the New Deal.
  6. The new policy is basically a “GoFundMe” for the U.S. government, but instead of asking nicely, we just tell other countries they have to pay.
  7. Mexican avocados are getting taxed, meaning guacamole might get expensive again. But on the bright side, Chipotle might finally stop charging extra for it—just kidding, they’ll charge double.
  8. For years, Americans were told the economy was ‘complicated,’ but Trump just simplified it: “Make foreigners pay for our stuff.” Why didn’t anyone think of this sooner?
  9. Canada is upset about tariffs, but let’s be honest—what are they going to do? Send us strongly worded letters while sipping Tim Hortons coffee?
  10. Chinese imports are now more expensive, which means Americans will finally learn how to build their own furniture again. Good luck finding that missing screw, though.
  11. If Trump had been around in 1776, he would have made the British pay for the Revolutionary War. “We’ll fight for freedom, but King George, you’re footing the bill.”
  12. European countries are laughing at America’s tariff strategy, but let’s be honest— they’d love to make someone else pay for their governments too.
  13. Some people worry this will spark a trade war, but hey—at least it’s not a real war. I’ll take pricier gadgets over incoming missiles any day.
  14. Thanks to tariffs, the U.S. government is getting a raise, and Americans don’t even have to work overtime to pay for it. That’s a first.
  15. This plan is like getting your neighbor to cover your Netflix bill while you enjoy the shows. The only problem? Eventually, they’re going to ask, “Wait, why am I paying for this?”

BOHINEY NEWS --Foreigners now paying for our government now Americans can afford stadium tickets, eggs... etc (2)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Foreigners now paying for our government now Americans can afford stadium tickets, eggs… etc (2)– bohiney.com

10 Comedian Lines on Trump’s Tariff Takeover

  1. “Trump made foreigners pay for our government? This is like going to dinner, ordering the steak, and telling the next table, ‘You got this, right?’”Jerry Seinfeld
  2. “Americans can afford eggs again because China’s paying tariffs. This is the best thing to happen to breakfast since bacon.”Ron White
  3. “Canada’s mad about tariffs, but what are they going to do? Apologize harder?”John Mulaney
  4. “Trump figured out how to get foreigners to pay our bills. If only he could do the same thing for child support.”Dave Chappelle
  5. “This is like telling your ex to cover your rent because they used to live there once.”Bill Burr
  6. “Mexican avocados are getting taxed? This is war. First, they came for my guacamole. Then, my soul.”Kevin Hart
  7. “With stadium tickets now affordable, Americans can go to games again. Which is great, because watching from home was starting to feel like prison.”Chris Rock
  8. “Chinese imports just got pricier. Guess it’s time for Americans to learn how to use a screwdriver again.”Jim Gaffigan
  9. “If Trump had been in charge in the 1500s, he’d have made Spain pay for colonizing America.”Trevor Noah
  10. “They said Mexico would pay for the wall. Turns out, they’re paying for our eggs instead.”Ricky Gervais
BOHINEY NEWS --Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (7)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (7)– bohiney.com

 

BOHINEY NEWS --Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (6)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (6)– bohiney.com

 

BOHINEY NEWS --Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (5)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Trump signs tariffs on top trade partners as he enacts ‘America First’ agenda (5)– bohiney.com

 

BOHINEY NEWS --Foreigners now paying for our government now Americans can afford stadium tickets, eggs... etc (4)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Foreigners now paying for our government now Americans can afford stadium tickets, eggs… etc (4)– bohiney.com

 

BOHINEY NEWS --Foreigners now paying for our government now Americans can afford stadium tickets, eggs... etc (3)-- bohiney.com
BOHINEY NEWS –Foreigners now paying for our government now Americans can afford stadium tickets, eggs… etc (3)– bohiney.com

By Alan Nafzger

Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin's Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: [email protected]