I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social. (Talks only to pets.)
Party of One, Plus Cat
Introvert or Secret Feral Wizard?
“I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social,” they whisper from behind a fern, declining yet another invitation to “game night” because it sounds too people-y.
Funny Evidence from the Whispering Wallflowers
One person RSVP’d to a wedding with “Absolutely not.” Another carries earplugs “just in case the vibes get too loud.”
Quote from a Sentient Blanket Fort
“I have rich inner conversations,” said Muffin Recluse. “And my plants never interrupt.”
Satirical Snapshot
They have strong relationships–with houseplants, YouTube playlists, and an elderly neighbor who doesn’t speak. Their group chat is just voice notes sent to themselves.
Conclusion: Social Boundaries Are Healthy–But Your Doormat Shouldn’t Say “Go Away” in Latin
Solitude is power. Just don’t forget how to blink in public.
For more selectively social satire, softly knock at bohiney.com