Congressional Judgment Replaces Personal Judgment WASHINGTON, D.C. — After decades of questionable financial purchases, disappointing relationships and regrettable dietary choices, Americans have apparently decided that the solution to bad personal judgment

Politicians Fix What Still Works First WASHINGTON, D.C. — Millions of frustrated Americans have voted for socialism after concluding that their lives could not possibly become any worse, prompting government officials

Congress Weighs Pig Therapy After Britain Moves on CO2 Stunning WASHINGTON, D.C. — Britain is considering phasing out carbon dioxide stunning for pigs, prompting American officials to investigate whether the nation's

DSA Unveils Simple Plan to Save America by Abolishing Every Part of America Nation to Be Replaced With Newsletter, Logo, and Strongly Worded Social Media Account The Democratic Socialists of America have unveiled a

Hirono Declares Herself the Only Witness Ever to Survive Asking Questions Senate Hearing Temporarily Reclassified as a Victimhood Endurance Event WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Senate confirmation hearing briefly paused Tuesday after observers

Congress Discovers It Can Rewrite the Universe If the Committee Hearing Runs Long Enough According to Noah Rothman's column, Congress is once again debating daylight saving time, creating the familiar spectacle of

Welcome to the Gerontocracy: 12 Signs America Is Being Run by Whoever Can Still Read the Teleprompter Without Bifocals Nina Totenberg is 81. Chuck Grassley is 91. The last two presidents

Trump Announces Historic Iran Deal, Promises Everyone Will Read The Fine Print Eventually Iran Agrees Not To Build Nuclear Weapons, Reserves Right To Build Extremely Suspicious Science Projects WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President

Vegas Oddsmakers Refuse To Set Line On Next NCAA Gambling Scandal, Cite "Competitive Saturation" Sportsbooks Admit College Athletics Now Too Unpredictable Even For People Who Invented Parlays LAS VEGAS -- Sportsbooks across Nevada announced

Congress Discovers the Only Thing More Dangerous Than Warrantless Surveillance Is Agreeing About It Somewhere deep in the marble labyrinth of Capitol Hill, a bipartisan group of lawmakers gathered to debate

Leaked NYT Footage Shows Staffers Sobbing as Texas Map Turns Redder Than Whataburger Ketchup Texas election results turning a shade of red rivaling the state's iconic condiment. Security camera footage obtained by

Study Shows Only Thing That Could Block Texas G.O.P.: Replacing Every Texan With Brooklyn Podcasters Scientists, political analysts, and one guy in a Buc-ee's parking lot with a doctorate in "vibes"

Political Rivalry Escalates to Petty Crime Reporting; U.S. Capitol Police Now Required to Mediate 'Sore Loser' Disputes Democrats File Formal Police Complaint Against Trump for 'Verbal Seditious Behavior'; Capitol Police Now

Texas Voters Say NYT Concern Motivates Them More Than Jesus BBQing Brisket at the Alamo A divine BBQ event fails to motivate voters like the perceived condescension of a coastal newspaper. A

Japan Elects First Female Prime Minister: Breaking News to American Women Still Waiting Since 1776 In a shocking display of modernity, Japan — a country that still sells used schoolgirl uniforms

Billionaires in a Bidding War for TikTok: Who Will Win the Right to Own Your Dance Moves? A Social Media Free-for-All with Musk, McCourt, and More As TikTok teeters on the edge

Government Shutdown Enters Week Two: Air Traffic Controllers Replaced by GPS Apps and Prayers When the skies operate on hope and a smartphone, you know Congress has officially lost the plot. Federal

Leadership Squabbles May Soon Rival Reality TV Drama House Democrats Brace for Infighting That Could Rival Reality TV Sources report that internal conflicts among House Democrats are intensifying, leaving staffers, lobbyists, and

When the Democrats Load Up the Clown Car: A Marxist Circus in Three Acts It was once said that politics is just show business for ugly people. But nobody told the

Citizens Confused, Experts Astounded, Lawmakers Celebrate with Caviar In a shocking turn of events that left both citizens and economists scratching their heads, Congress has accidentally passed a bill that, in

Politicians Admire Their Own Obfuscation In a display of bureaucratic ingenuity, Congress has launched an investigation into its own investigative practices. Experts describe this as "recursive oversight," which may lead to

Artificial Intelligence Set to Replace Lawmakers by 2026 Critics Argue AI Lacks the Ability to Hold Pointless Hearings Congress Votes to Automate Itself Washington, D.C. — In a groundbreaking shift for governance, Congress

Congress Finally Agrees on Something: To Disagree More Publicly By Alan Nafzger for Bohiney Magazine In a rare display of unity this week, both parties in Congress reached across the aisle—not to

A legally binding apology note from Congress that fixes nothing but feelings. Congress today passed the "Oops, Our Bad" Bill, a sweeping legislative masterpiece that admits-- in elegant legal handwriting-- that

Comey Arraigned for Lying to Congress: In Related News, Congress Demands Monopoly on Lying When the pot calls the kettle black, but the pot has immunity and a better lawyer. Political Retribution

Remote Voting for Moms in Congress: A Diaper Revolution or Just More Pajamas in Politics? The Pajama Politics Revolution: Why Remote Voting for Moms Could Change Congress Forever By Katie Room, Congressional

Congress Unmasked: America's Most Dysfunctional Daycare Because Elections Have Consequences WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Congress: a revered institution where democracy is shaped, policy is crafted, and the finest minds of

Legislators Set New Record for Procrastination Experts Say the Only Urgent Action Congress Takes is Giving Itself Raises WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark moment for government efficiency, Congress has voted—after extensive

Statue of Liberty Torch May Go Dark During Shutdown: France Quietly Updates Return Policy When freedom flickers, so does America's international credibility. America's Symbol of Freedom Faces Power Outage NEW YORK — In

Congress Bans Mondays With Bipartisan Anti-Monday Act Lawmakers finally target the true enemy of productivity in rare unanimous decision By Junglepussy & Heidi Ladein Anti-Monday Act Passes With Overwhelming Support According to Bohiney News

Congress Passes Civility Enforcement Act: New Law Requires Politicians to Say "Please" and "Thank You" By Freja Lindholm | Bohiney Magazine | October 13, 2025 Breaking: In unprecedented bipartisan move, lawmakers approve

If Congress Were Marriage Counselors, Every Session Would End in Divorce Papers By Coed Cherry, Bohiney Magazine Congress: America's Dysfunctional Marriage Counselor If Congress were a marriage counselor, every session would end in

Trump Asked GOP Congress to Bring Back the Duel  It’s Time to Bring Back the Duel—And America Is Ready By Buck Buckley, Senior Dueling Correspondent, Bohiney.com WASHINGTON, D.C.—In what some political analysts are