Celebrations Include Fireworks, Legal Disclaimers, and Zero Acknowledgment of Fault
Trump Declares National Day of Not Saying Sorry, Federal Employees Get Free Red Hats
Celebrations Include Fireworks, Legal Disclaimers, and Zero Acknowledgment of Fault
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has officially declared the third Friday of every June as the National Day of Not Saying Sorry, a new federal holiday designed to “celebrate unapologetic excellence, strong opinions, and never admitting you knocked over the salad bar.”
“Americans should stand tall, be proud, and never explain themselves unless they’re being fabulous,” Trump said while signing the order with a pen shaped like an index finger pointing blame elsewhere.
Inaugural festivities included:
- A 21-laugh track salute from Fox News anchors
- A ceremonial shredding of ethics complaints
- Live performances by Kid Rock and the legal team formerly known as “That Guy From the Impeachment”
Federal employees were issued limited-edition red hats embroidered with the phrase: “NOT MY FAULT.”
Children were encouraged to participate in a “Blame the Librarian” essay contest, while libraries were encouraged to replace all history books with The Art of the Deal.
The National Archives released a statement saying they will “observe the holiday by misfiling every document dated after 2016.”
Trump declared, “This will be bigger than the 4th of July — because it’s about me.”
=========
SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
