Apology Is Just a Fancy Word for Weakness, Says New National Motto
Trump Hires Life Coach to Teach America How to Be Shameless
“Apology Is Just a Fancy Word for Weakness,” Says New National Motto
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold national address from his golf cart, former President Donald J. Trump introduced his newest cabinet-level position: National Life Coach of Shamelessness. The job went to Tony “Tone Zone” Vincetti, a former infomercial host best known for shouting affirmations at strangers in Las Vegas parking lots.
“This man knows confidence,” Trump said. “He once sold a tanning bed to a cactus.”
The Department of Shameless Development will now offer federal training in public blame-shifting, power shrugging, and the sacred art of *doubling down mid-scandal.*
“Apology is for beta fish and Canadians,” said Vincetti, while firing a T-shirt cannon labeled “NO RAGRETS.’
New federal brochures include titles like: *How to Gaslight Your HOA* and *Sorry Not Sorry: A Constitutional Right.*
White House interns report that all apology letters are now redirected to a shredder labeled “Feelings Dumpster.”
Melania’s request for an “I’m Sorry” bouquet was met with a truckload of self-portraits titled “You’re Welcome.”
Vincetti closed the press event with a live chant: “Be loud, be wrong, be legend.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
