Named “The House That Never Said Sorry”
Trump Opens Presidential Library With No Books, Just Televisions Playing His Greatest Rallies
Named “The House That Never Said Sorry”
ORLANDO, FL — Breaking from tradition and literary convention, Donald J. Trump has opened his long-anticipated presidential library, but don’t expect shelves or silence. Named “The House That Never Said Sorry,” the facility boasts zero books, twelve theaters, and exactly 147 flat-screen televisions playing his greatest rallies on an eternal loop.
“Reading is for people who haven’t lived enough,” Trump told a crowd of cheering fans gathered near a 30-foot animatronic statue of himself pointing at CNN’s headquarters.
The library’s “Apology Wing” is a featureless room with a blinking neon sign reading “EMPTY — AS IT SHOULD BE.”
Visitors can purchase merchandise like red “Library Card? I Never Needed One” hats and gold-embossed “I Regret Nothing” bookmarks for books that don’t exist.
Instead of a research archive, guests can scroll through Trump’s top 10 tweets as read aloud by a Morgan Freeman impersonator eating a Trump Burger.
Melania skipped the ribbon-cutting, but sent a note: “He asked me to donate books. I sent silence.”
Architects described the building as “a monument to volume,” while political historians called it “the first presidential library with a dance floor.”
Trump’s final words at the dedication: “Apologies are for footnotes. I’m the headline.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
