Government Memos Now Required to Include a Minimum of 3 Brags
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning the Phrase “I’m Sorry” From Federal Use, Replaces It With “You’re Lucky I Noticed”
Government Memos Now Required to Include a Minimum of 3 Brags
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold act of grammatical governance, Donald J. Trump has officially banned the use of the phrase “I’m sorry” in all federal communication, replacing it with the more confident, deeply Trumpian phrase: “You’re lucky I noticed.”
“No more weak words in strong halls,” Trump proclaimed, standing in front of a newly installed golden teleprompter. “We don’t apologize. We upgrade expectations.”
The new rule applies to all government branches. If a FEMA official forgets to deliver aid, they must now respond, “You’re lucky I even remembered your zip code.”
The Department of Education will replace the phrase “We regret this error” with “Our genius was briefly interrupted.”
Melania was overheard muttering, “He tried this at home. It did not go well.”
Agencies failing to comply will receive a complimentary copy of *The Art of the Non-Apology* and a Trump-brand mirror for self-motivation.
According to White House insiders, the Pentagon has already tested the phrase during global briefings. NATO officials were reportedly too stunned to speak–but nodded respectfully.
“This is not censorship,” Trump clarified. “It’s swag enforcement.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
