Event to Feature Workshops Like “Blame Better” and “Spin It to Win It”
Trump to Host “Never Sorry Summit” at Mount Rushmore, Adds His Own Face Using Hologram Tech
Event to Feature Workshops Like “Blame Better” and “Spin It to Win It”
KEYSTONE, SD — In a move that blends ego, technology, and volcanic levels of confidence, Donald J. Trump has announced the first-ever “Never Sorry Summit” at Mount Rushmore. The two-day event will feature holographic updates to the monument — namely, his own head projected next to the other four, grinning without a hint of reflection.
“I should’ve been up there from the start,” Trump shouted from a makeshift podium shaped like a gold-plated bald eagle. “Lincoln freed the slaves, but I freed America from apologies.”
Workshops at the summit include “Advanced Denial Tactics,” “I Regret Nothing: Public Speaking 101,” and a keynote from Kanye titled “God Told Me You Were Right.”
Attendees will receive swag bags with signed pardon request forms (pre-denied), and hats reading “SORRY IS SOCIALISM.”
The National Park Service is reportedly furious but confused, since the hologram is technically “not there” and yet “won’t stop fist-bumping Washington.”
Melania declined attendance, citing “hologram fatigue” and a desire to “watch real mountains that don’t talk.”
Asked about the summit’s goal, Trump replied, “To inspire a new generation of leaders — bold, brash, and sorry-free, just like Mount Me.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
