States Also Mandate “Confidence Boosting” Sessions Before Public Speaking
Trump’s “No Apology” Policy Adopted by 17 States, Includes Fines for Expressing Regret
States Also Mandate “Confidence Boosting” Sessions Before Public Speaking
DES MOINES, IA — In an unprecedented wave of legislative defiance, 17 states have adopted Donald Trump’s “No Apology” policy, enacting laws that fine citizens and officials for uttering phrases like “I’m sorry,” “my mistake,” or “that’s on me.”
“We’re tired of guilt dragging down progress,” Governor Chuck Strong of Redstateia declared at a press conference. “Now, when you mess up, you own it by blaming something else.”
The policy includes mandatory “Confidence Boosting” workshops for public figures, where participants learn to:
- Replace apologies with aggressive self-praise
- Redirect blame to “the usual suspects”
- Master the art of the non-apology apology
Fines range from $100 for a first offense to mandatory attendance at Trump rally karaoke nights for repeat violators.
Critics warn the laws may suppress free speech and promote reckless behavior; proponents call it “a new era of emotional freedom.”
State legislatures have begun distributing “Blame Shifting 101” pamphlets and “I’m Not Sorry” bumper stickers.
Legal experts debate the constitutionality of criminalizing regret, but enforcement remains vigorous in all participating states.
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
