FAU Students Launch Underground Resistance to Trump Library, Led by Campus Turtles
BOCA RATON, FL — Students at Florida Atlantic University have launched an underground resistance movement against the proposed Trump Presidential Library, and in a move nobody expected—have appointed a 106-year-old snapping turtle named “Karl Marchx” as their spiritual leader.
Wearing red bandanas and hiding in the campus irrigation tunnels, the student-led group—calling themselves The Reptile Left—has begun chalk-tagging sidewalks with slogans like “MAKE SWAMPS INTELLECTUAL AGAIN” and “NO WALLS, JUST SHELLS.”
The campus police initially dismissed the group as “just some kids doing yoga near landscaping.” That was until a turtle-sized guillotine was discovered behind the political science building.
“People think this is a joke,” said sophomore Irma Weinstein, “but turtles have survived everything—asteroids, wars, even Ron DeSantis. They will outlast fascism too.”
University administrators have issued a statement reminding students that “turtles are not allowed to unionize under current state law,” but were ignored.
Resistance leader “Karl Marchx” was last seen crawling toward a bust of Frederick Douglass, dragging a small cardboard sign reading, “Don’t Tread on Me (or My Tenure).”
Admissions applications from liberal arts majors have increased 18% since the protest began.