Staffers Say Answers Now Include: “Ask Rudy,” “It Was Obama,” and “Fake News”
Trump Installs “Blame Button” in Oval Office, Replaces Resolute Desk With Magic 8-Ball
Staffers Say Answers Now Include: “Ask Rudy,” “It Was Obama,” and “Fake News”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House insiders confirm that President Trump has replaced the historic Resolute Desk with a custom-built Magic 8-Ball encased in gold laminate. Perched beside it is his newest executive tool: a red “Blame Button” wired to pre-recorded scapegoats and plausible deniability.
“Whenever I’m asked something tough — boom — hit the button. It’s either Hillary, windmills, or CNN. Very effective. Very presidential,” Trump said, demonstrating the device after knocking over a bust of Lincoln and blaming gravity.
The new desk setup includes a laminated menu of excuses, such as:
- “We inherited this mess.”
- “Nobody told me!”
- “Have you checked Hunter’s laptop?”
Each excuse is accompanied by a hologram of Steve Bannon nodding emphatically.
Staff say Trump spends hours shaking the Magic 8-Ball and asking it questions like, “Should I declare martial law or play golf?” Sources confirm it frequently answers: “Reply hazy, try Mar-a-Lago.”
Chief of Staff Ronny Jackson insists the upgrades “increase executive efficiency by reducing introspection.”
“This is leadership,” Trump beamed. “Accountability is for interns and Democrats.”
=========
SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
