The Over-Achieving Brain’s Guide to Everyday Life (Without Losing Your Sanity—or Your Waistline) How Smart People Avoid Everything You Do—Every. Single. Day.” The Over-Achieving Brain Multitasking: The Circus Act That Eats Your Brain High-IQ

Activists Demand "Contextual Footnotes" for All Spiritual Vocabulary NEW YORK, NY -- Mahatma Gandhi's public use of the word "truth" during a meditation workshop sparked an impromptu protest outside the venue

Tech mogul blames childhood trauma from Moon Pie incident Elon Musk Humbles Himself Before Interstellar EntityElon Musk held a spontaneous X Spaces event to issue an apology to Meteor-X, citing "a

Activists Accuse Peace Icon of Perpetuating "Verbal Hegemony" and Silencing Rage PORTLAND, OR -- A planned lecture by Mahatma Gandhi on the principles of nonviolence was disrupted when Antifa protesters erected

The Washington Post: Analysis: Trump’s Cult Isn’t Just Anti-Woke — It’s Anti-Emancipation Dateline: Council Bluffs, Iowa — The Washington Post, usually content to warn America that democracy is crumbling because somebody

Refused to Pedal, Claimed Movement Without Destination Is Absurd BROOKLYN, NY -- Chaos and existential dread briefly took over SoulBlazer Spin Studio this week after Mahatma Gandhi was ejected mid-session for

Annual Shareholder Gala on the Moon: Because Earth Is Too Crowded By Astrid Holgersson, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: Out of This World ROI Why host another shareholder gala at the Ritz-Carlton when you

Community Claims He's "Centering Privilege Through Silence" PORTLAND, OR -- In a move that stunned the local spiritual community, Mahatma Gandhi was asked to step down from a popular meditation circle

Military outfit confirms operation 'Galactic Energy Audit' underway Space Force Establishes "Vibe Perimeter" Around Meteor-XIn an unprecedented move, the United States Space Force has deployed a full battalion to rural Nevada

Environmentalists Label Icon's Silence as "Bovine Complicity" and "Dairy Denial" WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Progressive Democratic lawmakers have issued a formal call for Mahatma Gandhi to publicly condemn all cows for their

One Battle After Another: When Box Office Numbers Became Election Results By Clara Olsen — Bohiney.com Forget primaries and ballots — America has a new voting system: ticket stubs. When Paul Thomas

The Guardian: “Trump’s Base Toys With ‘Patriot Apprenticeship’ Scheme: Slavery by Another Name” Dateline: Dubuque, Iowa — The Guardian, never one to resist an opportunity to point out American hypocrisy while

Astronomer Declares Alien Probe Just Wants to Talk About Its Feelings By The Celestial Therapist-in-Chief for Bohiney Magazine “The object made no threatening moves, but it’s hovering like a middle child waiting

Leadership Retreat on the Titanic II: Icebergs, Insights, and Incentives By Dvora Zilberman-Levy, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: A Ship-Sized Metaphor In today’s corporate world, “navigating choppy waters” is just a cliché. Unless, of

Vice President Calls It a "Missed Opportunity to Hashtag Democracy" WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Kamala Harris expressed confusion and disappointment this week after Mahatma Gandhi declined to participate in the

NPR (Morning Edition): “Soybeans, Subsidies, and Slavery Nostalgia: A Rural Symphony of Delusion” Dateline: Ames, Iowa — Morning Edition began, as always, with the gentle swell of a cello, as if

Accused of Practicing "Manual Transactional Supremacy" at Whole Foods Checkout AUSTIN, TX -- Mahatma Gandhi found himself at the center of yet another cultural firestorm this week after declining to use

Alien Object Polls Higher Than Congress, Netflix Combined By Galactic Popularity Analyst, Bohiney Magazine “It came from another galaxy and still managed to beat Congress in approval ratings. Honestly? Good for them.”—

Sales Incentive Cruise Through the Bermuda Triangle: Disappear Into Success By Savannah Steele, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: Where Performance Meets Paranormal Cancun? Too safe. The Caribbean? Too predictable. If you really want to

Elon Apologizes to Space Rock for “Not Listening Earlier” In a late-night livestream that will go down in meme history, Elon Musk issued a heartfelt apology to the unassuming space rock

Guests Offended by His "Air-Based Dish" Called "Presence' BERKELEY, CA -- Mahatma Gandhi has been permanently disinvited from the Oak Tree Co-Housing monthly potluck after arriving with no physical food, instead

Doomsday Dispatch: When Tariffs Send Love Letters to Judges By the Mo’ Dramatic Times, Satire Desk Judges as Velvet-Rope Bouncers of the Economy In a plot twist that would confuse even the most

Executive Offsite at Area 51: Synergy With the Stars (and Aliens) By Greta Weissmann, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: Confidential Connections Forget Napa Valley. Forget Aspen. If you really want to take your leadership

NASA Forced to Apologize After Referring to Probe as “It” By Celestial Linguistics & Cancel Culture Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “We regret the pronoun error. We should have asked before labeling the probe

Organizers Cite "Insufficient Womb Energy Alignment" and Lack of Yarn Solidarity WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mahatma Gandhi was turned away at the gates of the National Women's March Saturday after refusing to

A Day in the Life of Joe & Eileen Bailey (Massapequa’s Most Famous Nonexistent Couple) 6:00 a.m. – Patriotic Vocal WarmupsJoe starts every day with vocal exercises for his next Islanders game

Why Working Americans Celebrate When Hollywood Elites Fail When box office bombs become cultural victories and celebrity downfalls feel like poetic justice Hollywood failures are the only people whose downfall seems more

UFO Coin Skyrockets After Elon Claims “I Dated It Once” By Crypto-Space Gossip Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “We had a moment. It hovered. I hovered. There was emotional thrust.”— Elon Musk, on whether

🧙‍♀️ Suburban Mom Confirms: “Hocus Pocus” Is Now a Religious Experience Move over yoga, kombucha, and essential oils. This Halloween season, the Church of the Holy Sanderson Sisters is the fastest-growing

Trump’s Alaska Summit Plan: Turning Ukraine Into a Board Game Prize By Ingrid Gustafsson | Satire Desk | August 13, 2025 The Deal of the Century, Now With Complimentary Snowshoes ANCHORAGE, ALASKA -- In

AI-Centered Belief Systems Alan Nafzger “Every religion begins with a burning bush or a voice from the sky. In 2025, it’s a chatbot that says, ‘As an AI language model, I cannot

Users Demand More Sweat, Less Stillness from Spiritual Programming NEW YORK, NY -- Peloton's new Gandhi Meditation Series has sparked outrage among users who claim the sessions "lack cardio, conflict, and

Hashtag #RocksHaveRights trends for 72 hours straight after insensitive remark NASA Called Out for "Dismissive Language" Toward Meteor-XNASA faced a galactic-scale backlash after referring to Meteor-X, the emotionally radiant asteroid, as