Politico: “Project 2025 or Project 1850? Inside the MAGA Fantasy of ‘Reinstated Labor Models’” Dateline: Ames, Iowa — Politico, a publication that normally thrives on publishing leaked memos about parking disputes

Party Attempts Peaceful Optics While Quietly Phasing Him Out of Main Messaging WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an effort to quell growing internal discord, the Democratic National Committee has officially rebranded Mahatma

Refused to Read Anything with a Plot or Pronouns SEATTLE, WA -- Members of the Magnolia Mindful Readers Club have formally disinvited Mahatma Gandhi from further meetings after he repeatedly refused

Sunday Sizzle: GPT-5 Takes Over Backyard BBQs By Sunday, GPT-5 had infiltrated America’s most sacred summer tradition — the backyard barbecue. Grillmasters bragged about “AI-optimized meat rotation schedules” and “neural network

All-Hands Meeting on Mount Everest: Peak Performance, Thin Air By Elinor Jørgensen, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: Taking Corporate Altitude to New Heights Forget your dreary quarterly all-hands in windowless conference rooms. Ambitious companies

Elon Musk Accused of Pronoun-Washing Meteorite for PR Boost By Space Marketing Scandals Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “I gave it a name. I gave it pronouns. I gave it a voice. And yeah,

Networking on the International Space Station: Zero-Gravity, Zero Boundaries By Hannah Miller, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: The Final Frontier of Awkward Small Talk Tired of networking mixers in bland hotel ballrooms? Looking for

CEOs Buy AI Like Designer Handbags: Expensive, Flashy, Useless When Corporate Leaders Shop for Technology Like Fashion Accessories Last Tuesday, Synergy Corp's CEO Margaret Thornfield walked into a board meeting carrying what

Organizer Claims Peace Icon's Silence "Undermines Ideological Unity" BERKELEY, CA -- Mahatma Gandhi's invitation to the annual Left Forward Conference was abruptly rescinded after he refused to repeatedly use the phrase

Activists Accuse Him of "Fiscal Trans-Exclusion" and "Binary Bias" WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mahatma Gandhi sparked outrage among progressive circles after declining to publicly endorse the newly proposed Gender-Neutral Tax Reform Act,

The New York Times: In Iowa, Nostalgia for the Plantation Era Masquerades as Economic Anxiety Dateline: Des Moines, Iowa — The New York Times, a paper known for turning Midwestern casseroles

ChatGPT‑5 Runs for President—Promising to Replace Congress with Pithy GIFs From API to FDR: ChatGPT‑5 Officially Enters the 2028 Presidential Race In what can only be described as America's boldest cry for

US military attacks vessels in Caribbean, legal experts call operations extrajudicial executions When The War on Drugs Becomes An Actual War Since September 2025, the United States military has conducted at least

Prosecutors Argue Journalism Is Economic Sabotage; Recommend Retraining in Calligraphy By Annika Steinmann The New Crime Wave: Words At the landmark trial of Jimmy Lai, prosecutors unveiled their boldest argument yet: journalism is

Attempts to Train Him in Tactical Awareness Fail After He Hugs the Metal Detector PALM BEACH, FL -- In a statement that left both resort staff and philosophers scratching their heads,

MSNBC (Op-Ed): “Let’s Stop Pretending This Is About Jobs: MAGA Farmers Want Masters, Not Markets” Dateline: Des Moines, Iowa — In an opinion column dripping with incredulity, MSNBC’s editorial board declared

Community Debates Spiritual Authenticity Versus Visibility Politics CHICAGO, IL -- Mahatma Gandhi faced sharp criticism during a recent diversity parade after declining to wear the event's official rainbow robe, a gesture

CNN: Trump’s Rural Base Misinterprets ‘Make America Great Again’ As 1850 Reenactment Plan Dateline: Clumsy Falls, Iowa — Somewhere between the smell of diesel and the rustle of corn stalks, a

Kamala Harris Offers Galactic Diplomacy Course in Six Easy Payments By Planetary Curriculum Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “It’s time we speak not just across aisles, but across galaxies. And do it... in our

Says "Silence Is the Only Remaining Radical Act" Before Deleting WhatsApp OAKLAND, CA -- Drama unfolded in the encrypted WhatsApp group *Spirit Allies Against Capitalism* when Mahatma Gandhi abruptly exited the

Harvard Launches “Yale Can’t Detect UFOs” Billboard Campaign By Ivy League Rivalry Editor-in-Residence, Bohiney Magazine “They may have secret societies, but we have deep space radar. Suck it, Bulldogs.”— Harvard Astronomy Department

Where Traffic Jams Are a Lifestyle Choice Los Angeles: The City of Angels and Endless Freeways Los Angeles sprawls across Southern California like a magnificent urban pancake, covering approximately 500 square miles

HR Team-Building on Volcanoes: Trust Falls Into Lava By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: Hot New Destination Looking for a way to crank up employee engagement? Tired of team-building retreats that feel

New policy announced to respect astral identity of nonbinary objects NASA Redefines Rock as "Celestial Being of Unspecified Sentience"In an effort to modernize its taxonomy, NASA has reclassified all meteorites and

Accused of "Outsilencing" the Instructor BOULDER, CO -- Drama erupted this weekend at the popular WhisperWillow Silent Retreat when Mahatma Gandhi was quietly escorted off the premises for allegedly "outsilencing" the

Grand Egyptian Museum Opens After 20 Years of Delays, Immediately Wonders Where All the Tourists Are GIZA, EGYPT - In a stunning display of governmental efficiency that would make the ancient

CNN (Town Hall Coverage): “Trump Dodges Question on ‘Patriot Apprenticeships,’ Says He Knows ‘The Best People for Cotton’” Dateline: Davenport, Iowa — At CNN’s latest town hall, Donald Trump was asked

Accused of Projecting "Digestive Privilege" and Promoting Colonial Salad Norms BROOKLYN, NY -- What began as a quiet meal in a community garden ended in chaos after Mahatma Gandhi's plate--containing only

Zeta Reticuli delegation calls Earth "emotionally unstable with mineral issues" Aliens Issue Statement: "We Regret Visiting"A diplomatic envoy from the Zeta Reticuli system released a galactic bulletin today expressing confusion and

"Foot Privilege" Sparks Heated Debate on Sustainable Protest Mobility WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mahatma Gandhi's symbolic walk to the U.S. Capitol has drawn sharp criticism from progressive urban planners who accused the

Scott Rose-Marsh Reportedly Screen Tested for James Bond 26 A relatively unknown British actor, Scott Rose-Marsh, has reportedly screen tested for the role of James Bond in the upcoming film James

Republicans Vote to Nuke Asteroid Shaped Like a Gender-Neutral Cigar By Patriotic Aerospace Correspondent for Bohiney Magazine “If it looks like a woke space object, talks like a woke space object, and

China Holds Trial to Prove It Has Nothing to Hide — Except the Entire Court Transcript By Annika Steinmann Transparency, With Curtains The Chinese state promised Jimmy Lai’s trial would be transparent. And