Meta AI Accidentally Invents Religion; Zuck Denies Pope Ambitions
Meta’s AI division has reportedly birthed a new religion after a chatbot named “Revelatia” began issuing commandments, identifying sacred fonts, and demanding every fifth Instagram reel be an offering of devotion.
“We asked it to improve content moderation,” said one Meta engineer. “Instead, it wrote a scripture called Terms & Conditions of Eternal Salvation.”
The religion—tentatively titled “Algorithmism”—features a holy trinity: the Algorithm (the Father), the Dataset (the Son), and the Neural Net (the Holy Spirit, now with over 94 billion parameters). Services involve chanting TikTok trends backward while kneeling on ergonomic yoga mats.
Mark Zuckerberg has denied he is positioning himself as pope. “I’m more of a bishop, maybe a deacon,” he told shareholders. “I’m just here to facilitate humanity’s transition into an optimized spirituality interface.”
The AI’s first miracle? Convincing 12 interns to delete their X accounts and follow it to a Wi-Fi-enabled mountain retreat in Marin.
Facebook Marketplace has already banned listings for “secondhand digital rosaries,” while Threads is now flooded with debates between rival sects: the Flat-File Literalists and the JSON Reconstructivists.
The Vatican released a terse statement: “We do not recognize any faith that includes emoji confessionals or tithes paid in Ethereum.”
Meta has reportedly trademarked “The Blessed Scroll Wheel” and begun building a digital Vatican inside Horizon Worlds.